There she goes...there she goes again...

I have some good news: I am not crazy anymore. Or at least my moments of clarity are lasting much longer.

I have some bad news: I am very depressed. And all of my monkey-like pressing of the levers is not bringing me joy or relief like it used to.

I have this overwhelming urge to dump everything in my life and start all over. A new creation.

I think I will wait this urge out just a bit longer.

Perhaps it is just more crazy in disguise.

Seafoods & Serenades

(my office's inaugural girls' night out)

So, it's Saturday. Saturday. Saturday the 16th. Should I not be jumping up and down with anticipation to go see Dropping Daylight and Monty are I tonight?! Oh yes, I should be. But I am not. They are stuck in Utah...stupid snowstorm. And I am here...stuck in G-Town. The injustice is excruciating. And also? They won't be back this way until February! What?!

Whatever.

Taylor's birthday was awesome - thank you for asking. For some reason she thinks that Red Lobster is a great place to go for a celebration, and it is very difficult to convince her that being in the center of this land mass we call home means that all seafood eaten here must have been frozen at some point. We went to Red Lobster anyway...and had a great time, even with less-than-fresh seafood. It wasn't the service or the atmosphere, and definitely not the food that made it great, rather it was the table next to us.

As we were ordering our dinner Jeremy announced to the server that it was his sister's birthday. Two minutes later, we have a large black man at the head of our table telling us that he has a predicament that he needs our help with. Apparently, he was told by his girlfriend that he could either come sing a song to Taylor or be stuck with the household dishes for one whole week. He begged Taylor to let him serenade her...to which she delightedly agreed. Happy Birthday never sounded sweeter, and the accompanying slight hand movements reminded me of Luther Vandross. So lovely...

When he was done I turned to thank the girlfriend for the wonderful gift, placing my hand on her shoulder to let her know that I was right behind her. The face that turned around to greet mine wore the scariest grin I have ever seen. Teeth missing, blotchy face sores and black spots on her remaining fangs were all I could see of her as I stumbled through my thanks. Wow.

That's when one of her two disheveled children jumped out of his seat to run and put his head between Jer and I's shoulders to add a loud and off key "Chachacha - Charmin ULTRA" to end his future father's song.

If that wasn't enough, the other child wearing pants that had no remaining zipper and a ratty sweatshirt came running alongside the table to say (and I swear to god he said this): "Look what I can do!" and then promptly knocked himself in the forehead with his knee.

I wasn't sure what we were all feeling after their performances. Of course we laughed at their antics...and then we talked about how nice they were for sharing their talents with us. And then we talked about how blessed we are and how it would be so nice to reach out to other families like that one had us. And then we discussed how grateful we are for our health and our nice clothes and great home and awesome family.

They gave a gift to all of us on Taylor's Birthday just by not being afraid to interact with other human beings. By being themselves. By not being ashamed of all of the things working against them...and by celebrating all of the things working for them.

I have so much to learn.

Releasing of Fingers...

Oh...wow...I had no idea it had been so long since I blogged. I can't even begin to explain why. It has almost been like a phobia - a blogaversion. Is there such a thing? I would come to the computer, start to sit down, and literally my body would make a left turn and I would exit the office out the other door.

Then I would think later about all of the things I wanted to say...and yet, I could not get the words to come through my fingers. Whatever blockage was there, this morning it seems to be gone.

My photo shoot last weekend was so much fun, and the band reports that they really like them. They also asked if I would be available for future concert dates and some promotional studio shots. I can't begin to tell you how good that makes my little heart feel.

Tonight I am attending a release party for Dave Beegle - and although I have been asked to work, I have no idea what that means. Is that camera work? Is it merch booth work? Is it taking out the trash after everyone has left?

You know what? I don't care. I am just so honored to be invited. I might want to tell them, though, that I don't do windows.

Tomorrow is my daughters 14th birthday. Has it really been 14 years since my gorgeous, taller-than-me, smarter-than-I-ever-hoped-to-be, most-creative-child-on-the-face-of-the-planet was born? Feels like it was yesterday...

She worked a catering with me last night. Like all mothers, I worried about her work ethic and her ability to be a team player, and her ability to put her heart and soul into everything she does even if it is something not so enjoyable. I will never worry about that again. She worked just as hard as I did and fit in with my crew like she had always been part of us. Amazing. I am so very proud of her.

The only moment that gave me pause? When the DJ came out and she knew every word to that stupid SexyBack song. That's okay...she was a little horrified when I knew where the double-up-UH-UH in Baby Got Back came in. We did the Electric Slide together in the kitchen. I have a feeling her college graduation party will be a scene to end all scenes.


I am hoping that today is wonderful for all of you...it is such a crazy time of year, and it seems to go so fast. Please enjoy the Christmas Time Warp - it will be the doldrums of January before we know it.
;)t

Let the Hollydaze begin!

I took my camera on a date this weekend.

Yeah, we walked around some parks together, we talked to other human/camera couples going by, and we gazed into the lakes and watched the birds...all the while being very in tune with each other.

We even went shopping for more toys for the camera - and if I stop dropping it, I bet those toys will fit just right! I love my camera. Too much. And I am fine with that.

I spent the rest of the weekend working on the 'puter - and OH that was wonderful. I am sure it was startling to some of you though, to have your emails answered and returned almost before you hit send. I was most efficient.

One of the cool things that happened this weekend: A local band has asked me to come shoot their show next weekend. Now, I have done this before obviously, but always for me alone. I am feeling pressure about doing it for someone else. What if they don't like my style? What if I forget my battery? What if I drop the camera? What if I get drunk and crawl on stage WITH them? And those are just my irrational worries. I can't even begin to list the worries that make sense...

I am thinking that this Christmas season we are going to practice forgiveness where it is not justified. We are going to extend love where love is not deserved (I use that term too loosely in this sentence, I know). And let it begin with me - like this : Jerry hung Christmas Lights today - the H Home will look pretty snazzy this year. In response, I am gonna wear some some new items tonight that will help speed along the trimming of MY tree.

And the camera will just have to hang on the doorknob in its case for THIS date.


;)t

I Have a Dream...

Okay...I HAD a dream. And it woke me up, too. I woke up shaking with fear that I had finally given in to the dark side of me and was going to do the Big Beautiful Nasty with a man that was NOT my husband.

It wasn't a sexual dream. I knew the man in real life...he was someone I enjoyed kissing a million years ago before saying "I Do".

I ran into him in my dream at some random house where I was to celebrate Thanksgiving. I intended to throw my arms around his neck and kiss him on the cheek, but the closest I got was him putting his hands on my hips and leaning down to brush his lips against my ear. I think he said something, but as I placed my hands on his hips in return - I knew it was all over, and all I can remember was the roaring in my ears of my face flushing. I was going to give this man everything I am. Body, heart and soul.

And then I woke up.

And I realized that I am so f*cking starved for physical and emotional contact...I actually think my skin is crying out LOUD to be touched.

There was a study that came out recently that women who have an active and vital sex life are much more attention getting and attractive to other humans - something about the pheromones they give off.

I am disappearing.

F*ck.

Happy Thanksgiving to all...

(my dad)

Well. 'Tis Thanksgiving 2006...and I am thankful for many things.

I just wish I was better at holidays. Not for my little family, but for my extended family and my parents.

Dad and Mel invited us to dinner - and we declined. He is very hurt, as is his wife. It is difficult to explain to them how my babies and husband just wanted to make and have dinner all by ourselves this year. So I didn't. I just said we had other plans. And I have heard nothing from him since. I guess I could call him, but I get physically ill when I hear the symptoms of Eeyore Syndrome coming through my dad's strong voice. I am wrong and I know it, but there is nothing I can do to change my attitude.

Speaking of feeling sorry for one's self, I had quite the moment this morning. Jerry and Taylor were busy in the kitchen cooking and having a really great time together - all the while shouting out things for me to add to the shopping list they had prepared for me. Now, I didn't mind going shopping, but for some reason I felt very left out of the holiday proceedings today. Like I didn't belong. Like I had been replaced as the alpha female in my home...

Weird, huh? I am over it now.

Tuesday night, my husband finally came down with the dreaded flu that my children have been spreading (literally) all over my house. Except for it hit him so freakin' hard that I had to take him to the ER. I tried EVERYthing to get his fever down...but after he puked his Tylenol up for the third time and was still shivering with 9 blankets on, I cried Uncle. Placing the obligatory call to the on-call doctor, I was traumatized to hear that he could be going septic after his knee surgery. He could be rendered immobile and his organs might start shutting down if I did not hurry him down to the hospital. You can bet that I hurried...as much as you can hurry while you are dragging a 6'4 man to the car.

We spent all night at the ER, pumping him up with fluids and getting his nausea under control. Turns out he was not going septic after all. And you know what? As much hatred as I had felt for him earlier in the night when he was telling me that he was going to leave me as soon as he could, I felt very tender and loving towards him when I thought he was going to die. What exactly does that say about me? Hmmm.

I haven't asked him now that he is feeling better if he has decided to stay. And I don't really care. There will be plenty of time in the future for him to clarify his intentions.

By the way, I pulled the cable from upstairs THROUGH the wall and floor and hooked my puter up. It looks mighty ghetto right now, but it is just temporary. I swear it is.

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

;)t

Incommunicado

I really didn't fall off the face of the earth. I just have no computer at home right now...

I moved the boys into seperate rooms to cut down on the brawling, and moved my office into their OLD room. Pretty cool right? Yeah, except for the fact that I have no DSL OR dial up in their old room. No computer. And my husband of the recently surgeried-on-knee folk is dragging his feet to rewire for me. And why would he hurry? I am so accesible when I am not online! (Not agreeable - accesible.)

Oral surgery for Jeremy went well, and Taylor and Jory have almost fully recovered from the flu. Jerry is - well, hyped up on some pretty great drugs. To say the least. I really don't like it...I can't wait till he doesn't need them anymore. But I am glad he isn't in too much pain.

I am blogging from work...that makes me giggle!

BTW, 30 Seconds to Mars blew. After four times seeing them - they just suck. And I got a speeding ticket. That will be the last time I go to see them. But don't you worry, I did just secure tix for Dropping Daylight in December. YES!

Have a great week all!~ Talk to you when I can...
;)t

Beegle Noise

(click to enlarge - please)

Last weekend Niel and I got to go see an amazing man and his amazing men play an amazing show. Remember the guy who owns the production company that is going to let me organize his warehouse and perhaps get all of his MySpace pages sorted out? Yeah. His brother is Dave Beegle, one of the most talented guitarists in the world. I feel pretty silly because I hadn't heard much about him until this new phase in my employment happened. But you can bet that I will know all about him pretty soon, 'cause that's just how I roll. Obsessively. (HA! - I wish I was kidding...this dog with a bone thing is exhausting!)

The only bad part of the show? The one and a half bottles of REALLY good wine that I drank with my boss. I was up on a chair shooting pics at one time, and the only way I know that for myself is from the pics of the drummer - poor guy. He must have been frightened by me. Then, I decided to sit on the floor. As evidenced by all of the shots being angled up. At least there is a record of events...

Wednesday is a new 30 Seconds to Mars show...and I am still trying to figure out if I am going to try to take THE camera, or just settle for the concert cam. If I remember correctly, I think I had a hard time getting even the little one into the Filmore last time they were here. I think they should publish a list on the web: which bands are so sissy that they confiscate your camera, and which ones are confident enough in their photogenicness to allow me to experience it. Yeah...a list.

Took my Jeremy to the dentist today, and oh! My poor little man. He has to have a tooth extracted on Wednesday - apparently it is an extra. How in the world do you get extra teeth? I am playing it cool...telling him that he must be destined to grow very big if his body decided to grow extra teeth for all the chewing of food he will have to do. He giggles. That's good - because I sure am cringing on the inside for him - tooth extraction?! ugh.



Things seem to be happening so fast and furious...my little mind doesn't seem to be able to keep up, what with being chemically deprived and all. But I am still enjoying myself for the most part.

Anyone have extra Alice in Chains tix for the 20th?
;)t

Now What?!

I am so tired. Physically and mentally exhausted. No, I haven't any crisis to blame it on, and no, I haven't been staying out all night. I am just tired!

And there are so many weird things happening around me.

Like this:
My cell phone shows that I called my friend Jo at 12:38 in the morning. I had been asleep since 9:00.
My employee badge was missing this morning...I finally found it under my office chair, 20 minutes after I was supposed to be at work.
Things are missing from my desk.
Music has been removed from my computer.
I am so friggin' tired.
Several CD's of mine have been swapped and switched around into the wrong cases - and it isn't the children doing it.
I feel like I have entered into some silly twilight zone - not dangerous, not weird - just ridiculously silly strange zone.

But - I am not smoking.

That is pretty strange, too.
;)t

Middle of the Night Ramblings

...I did indeed Ramble tonight. With WhiteWater Ramble, that is...

I won a spot on tonight's guest list which, of course, made me a bit giddy. However, when we got there, there were seven- count 'em, seven other people there. It wasn't till later that we found out that four of them were part of the band WWR was opening for.

Tuesday night in Colorado. Go figure.

I learned several things tonight.

• I don't like bluegrass. I like JAMgrass - I definitely do not like bluegrass.
  
• One good thing about not smoking is that you have your windows closed when you are driving through quiet neighborhoods at 1 AM singing at the top of your lungs.
• Duncan Sheik is still the sh*t. So is Billy Squier.
  
• Thrash music in the middle of the night is scary.
• Cops no longer have to show their lights when they are hiding in the median.
• Seal makes me miss my gramma...and also makes me feel like she is still here.
• Breakfast is best between midnight and 1AM.
• I am too old to do these late nights more than once a week. Maybe once every two weeks.

I appologize to those bloggers I love that I have not visited in awhile. I think about you all the time - I just keep running out of time to actually communicate ...

I am doing exactly the same thing to my loved ones in real life, too.

Gonna go buy me some balance tomorrow. Know where some is on sale?
;)t

POTUS is IN the House - (no pictures please)

You are NOT going to believe what I got to do today. I got to see the President of the United States of America.

That's right - I was rubbing elbows with Secret Service. I was selling hot coffee and bottled water and fruit to Members of Congress. I was fetching Mountain Dew for PAC members, and popping popcorn for Pollsters and National News Crews.

I enjoyed watching all of our local Police Force and Fire Fighters and Paramedics act like they were somehow granted Secret Service Status because they were in charge of herding the locals around. I wanted to remind them that after the President left they would have to deal with all of the locals they had ticked off while they played bigshots for a few hours.

I loved watching CBS setting up their site to broadcast from, the newscasters looking around in amazement at the primitiveness of their current location. Okay. I didn't love that. I was embarrased.

Although I am not proud of Dubya - in fact, I am rather ashamed that I ever trusted him with my vote, it was amazing to see the sociological experiment of a political rally. I had goosebumps and a lump in my throat when his helicopter landed...and the hair on my arms stood on end when he walked into the arena. The whole event of his arrival was so well timed and choreographed...very moving. I wonder how I would have felt if he was someone I still respected?

Did I get pictures, you ask? Well. Funny story. I HAD the camera...got it through security just fine, didn't drop it even once, and located a secure and lockable cabinet to keep it in while we worked. When the time came to take pictures of the crowd gathering and the local politicians doing their stumping, I was able to find the very best spot in the facility. Cool, huh?

Yeah. If I had remembered to get the battery off the charger and place it in the camera before I left the house, THAT would have been very cool.

Oh well. Next time.
;)

Tricksy Treats, Eggings, Leggings, and Musicians

...So this is what it looks like to go Trick or Treating with the big kids. HA!


Had so much fun that night. I took the boys around the neighborhood and let them revel in our fellow blockster's attention, and grab at all that candy that I hide every year as SOON as we walk back in the door.

But I am not gonna lie - I was secretly glad that it was below freezing that night, because I desperately wanted to get on the road to Fort Collins, and "real cold" meant the boys would want to go home sooner. Neil and I had tix to see Motorhome, Shanti Groove and White Water Ramble PLUS, we had the naughtiest costumes I have ever dared to try on much less wear in public AND the show started at 8:00.

I got dressed, did my makeup, had Jer check me out for good measure, called Niel to let her know I was on my way - and made sure I had plenty of gas for the occasion. The camera plus tripod was tucked in the back for safe keeping.

What I didn't have was a charged up cell phone, so I decided to charge it in the car. One hard braking at a changing light and my phone went shooting off the seat onto the floorboard. Being resourceful, I hauled it back up by the cord, slid it into my lap, and prepared to call home to report my excellent travel skills as I was several minutes ahead of expected arrival.

Only - the antenna of the phone had somehow speared through a few of the holes in my fishnet stockings. I couldn't get the phone off of my lap. Finding myself unable to drive while I unsuccesfully tried to free my phone, I pulled into a parking lot of a large electronics facility. I unscrewed the antenna, twirled it around to loosen it up (that tightened the knots, by the way),tried to slide the knots OVER the antenna,
and fussed and fidgeted my way into a general hissy fit.

That is when security pulled in behind me. No - he didn't help me. No - he didn't laugh at me. Just before he got out of his car I PULLED the antenna THROUGH my stockings, ripping the threads and leaving a nice hole right on the front of my leg.
Crying a little and trying to smile, I waved at him and drove on my way.

Try telling your friends you are late for a party because you got your phone stuck in your fishnet stockings. There is something unbelievable about that. Oh well.

Downtown Fort Collins is a hoot - hippies, college students, yuppies, guppies and bums all in one little microcosm of the universe. Strangely, hoodlums are also attracted to downtown...and one egged me as his car sped by. I know he was aiming for my car, but I walked right into it. Fortunately for me, it bounced off my biker jacket and splatted on the street. That was pretty cool. Cool and random. Whatever.

The concert was GREAT! Motorhome was a pretty crazy, yet enjoyable jam band. Shanti Groove was exceptionally entertaining that night - and of course WhiteWater Ramble made every single soul in the place dance like idiots. Yes. Even me.

The only uncool part? Waiting in line for 20 minutes a pop just to get a drink. I drank beer so that I could stay relatively sober and not blow my quit (which I haven't yet - going on 13 days), but those silly bartenders would serve every guy around me and ignore Niel and I just because we were girls and potentially lower tippers than the men. (OBviously, they didn't know how very well we tip. And yet that night, I became a very low tipper.) Some slimeball snaked his way in beside me JUST as one of the wenches was coming to get my drink order - and so I started making a scene about how "HEY! This guy is CUTTING! CUTTTTTING!!!" I sounded like I was two years old.

I am ashamed of that moment. And noone really cared about that guy cutting except for me. Ugh.

But - I did not try to fight him OR knock him down. I am making progress.



(that is my friend and Niel's Man Howie standing on his bass while playing - he amazes me...)

Smashing Pumpkins and Cameras

Happy Halloween, all.

Not crazy about this holiday, but my kids are, so...I try to be as cheerful about it as possible.

It takes an extra effort to be cheerful these days, too. I am on day 10 of not smoking. It hasn't been horrible at all. But my mood has definitely suffered. I know it will get better once my brain and my body start getting used to the whole thing.

Someone stole my baby's pumpkin over night and smashed it at the end of our driveway. Right now I am waiting for him to get up so I can break the news gently...he is going to cry, and I hate that. Who would do that to a five year old? Poor little guy. Jerry is giving him his...but you and I both know it won't be the same.

The camera: totally fixed. I took it into the camera store...they confirmed the devastation, and sympathized with me. Then - they gave me a whole new lens.

I felt like I had won the lotto. But that camera is going to be the death of me! A very good lesson in why we are not supposed to love material things as much as I love THAT thing.

Have a great day, all!

Bullets for Pondering

I am going to bulletize this because I am in the middle of scrubbing toilets, cleaning up messes from my 7 year old who ate too much candy at the neighbor's house, and putting away laundry.

Here are some things I want you to write on your heart:

• When going to a different city to meet up with a group of people you only know a couple of, you should know the address of where you are going. And google a map of it, too.
• When going to a different city to meet up with a group of people - no matter how many you know already, you should make sure to have plenty of gas in your tank.
• When you are only seven days into quitting smoking, you should not fight with your spouse about going to a different city to meet up with a group of people you only know a couple of.
• When going to the bathroom, don't hang your camera on the hook of the bathroom stall. It will fall. And break.
• When going out, don't leave your children with the responsible people across the street. They will take your sweet, unsugared babies to Halloween Parties and screw them all up on candy.
  
• Don't make funny sounds while cleaning up after your sugarcracked out babies - it only makes them make more messes.
• And above all, don't get angry and say things to your spouse and co-parent that you can never take back.
  

This concludes my bulletizing. I hope you will be able to apply at least one thing to your own life, or my whole experience has been a waste...;)

ofgs...

Why? Why am I selfish? Why am I not a good wife/mommy etc. just because I don't want to die a slow, rotting death in this house? Why am I irresponsible because I want to LIVE? Why am I shortchanging my children when I participate in group activities and enjoy social events? Why am I acting like I am single if I go out for drinks and dancing with my girlfriends?

I get that he doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything and could be perfectly happy sitting in his easy chair drinking beer and watching netflix movies. I even can still love him.

Why? Why don't I get the same allowance?!

I am sick of this.

Oh, the Great Pumpkin is Coming!

The Pumpkin Patch - SO much fun. Beautiful sunny day, crisp Autumn air, frolicking children and great friends. And no. There was not ONE pub even remotely close to me - so you know it was just that great all by itself!

Last year I realized that I am somewhat of a closet redneck (as much as that makes me want to vomit) because the one thing that draws my attention and keeps it for long periods of time is the Punkin'Chunker.

I LOVE the PunkinChunker! Guess what it do? It chunks punkin's cleeeeeaaaar across the countryside.

Yeah. See? Told you I had a closet redneck in me.





But seriously - check that out! It sounds like a cannon, and then it feels like nailing the greatest drive ever down the green...'cause noone sees the object land. Until you finally give up looking for it and then - wham! It hits the ground and smashes all over the place.

I want one. And I am ashamed of myself.

In other news: Because I am a mommy/wife, I do not get to take an uninterrupted shower. I have seen other women blog about this, and heard many a woman whine about it - so I have just accepted it as part of the deal.

Yesterday during my shower (right at the lather/rinse part) my middle child started banging on the door, hollering at the top of his lungs about how my youngest was using the "f" word.

Me: *Sigh* What are you yelling about?!
Jeremy: Jory is saying the "F" word!
Me: What? I don't understand you. Send your brother here.
Jory: What, mom?
Me: Are you saying the "F" word? Do you need me to wash your mouth out with soap?
Jory: No, Ma'am. I am only saying "F*cking"... not the really bad "Freakin''' word!

Me: Oh...oh. Well. Hmmm. Don't say that either, okay? But go tell your dad about this first before you stop saying it forever.



Here he is picking up a pumpkin that weighs 4/5 as much as he does. I know. He LOOKS innocent anyway.

And don't forget this: I got my bracelet today for three days of no smoking. What do you think I should get for 3 WEEKS of no smoking? Yeah, I thought I should get a trip to Greece, too. Glad we think alike.
;)t

Chewing My Gum, Chewing My Gum...

Starting to feel like a cow chewing cud. Ugh. And my lungs seem to be extra excited to expel (ROFL! Three words with ex! YES!) the yuckiness I have introduced to them in the most expedient (that was just for effect) way.

'Tis Monday morning. And I shall make the very best of today. I hereby do solemnly swear not to smoke, yell at anyone, bite/kick/scratch/slap anyone, shoot anyone and/or cause any discomfort to anyone else in my endeavor to break loose from the dreadul smokie treats.

And Amen.

;)t

Superheroes and the sounds they make...

(Drug Under doing an acoustical set)


I quit smoking yesterday. I know. *groan* Again. But I have to say, I am feeling pretty good about it...and I am hoping that the cough I have had since getting sick (what was that, a month ago?) will start to subside. Although I know it will get worse before it gets better.

After scrambling through the house, purse and car the night before last looking for any smokes that I might have left in a pocket somewhere (so I didn't have to go buy more) I found THREE of them yesterday. Today I will probably find a whole pack somewhere random. Smokes are abundant when you don't smoke anymore.

I awoke today to the sound of the boys playing Rescue Heroes...and I do mean the sounds. Having only been around girls, I do not understand why boys have to add the audio effects to punctuate the actions of shooting, drilling, cutting, shooting, stabbing, shooting and wrecking the helicopter. Why do they need to play such violent things anyway?! I guess I would be sad if they had tea parties, though. Perhaps I will just go get ear plugs.


We are going to the pumpkin patch this afternoon - hay rides and pumpkin cannon included. Don't know why, but I am pretty excited. And it won't even be at a pub.

Have a great day all! ;)

Make Mine Medium Rare...

(one of those sweet moments when the boys are working together...the older boy was showing the younger one how to fly a paper airplane. Isn't that some rite of passage?)

So - the week. The week is over, and now we have to start a new one. I don't think I am ready yet. Recovering from doing all of that yucky, stressful paperwork and telling my boss that he owed thousands of dollars more than he expected took quite the toll on me. For four days or so, I tried in vain to get my back to loosen up - to no avail. At one point I thought I had lung cancer...but no. I don't. But I am scared of these damn smokes again - so THAT's a positive thing!

Got to check out a new group last night, a really, really GOOD group. I love bands that are just starting out because they work so hard to make the audience happy. I love watching them try new things to see what kind of response they will get. It is the epitome of being an artist - expressing oneself authentically, and measuring the effect that it has on other people. Bonus was that the lead guitarist and vocalist is a new chef in the kitchen. I have such a new found respect for him - he never once led me to believe that he is as talented as it turns out he is. THAT is modesty, my friends.

We have made a new deal in our house:
Jerry is in charge of all of the cooking, and I will do all of the cleaning up. I LOVE this deal.

Except, I don't want to do the cleaning either.

Have a good Sunday, all!

So Far Away...

Yeah, I know. My blogging ain't what it used to be.

Truly it isn't a lack of things to say - I have just been actually doing other things! Hard to imagine me doing other things, huh?

About the template - omg you have to help me find one that I like. I tweaked and screwed and messed around with everything that BlogSpot has - I hate them all. I want something new. Original. TerriBerriStyle. Help me! ;)

Our anniversary was spectacular. AMAzing even. For all that J put me through during the week, he made up for it fifty times over with the day I got to spend with him. We rode the bike to a neighboring town and went to an indie music producer's new warehouse - a grand opening with a keg of 90 Schilling and live music! Does life get any better? Yes, apparently it does. We then went to hear Drug Under do a set - remember that name. They are going to be huge. (Have I been wrong yet?!) The best part was that J had a good time. He interacted with everyone, enjoyed the music, let me drink myself silly with no derisive looks, bundled me back on the bike and brought me back to my children. Who had the house "clean" and the leaves in the yard "picked up". And had made us the most beautiful cards...the kind you NEVER throw away. No matter what.

It was a magical day, like none that I have ever experienced before.

I spent the rest of my free time working with my camera - so much to see, so little time. I have some great shots of the bands - but yeah. I cannot upload them. The batteries went dead. I was not expecting that at all. I thought my camera had committed suicide.

And guess what? I got all of that horrible paperwork finished. My shoulders have no idea what to do with themselves now that they are not weighed down with impossible tasks.

As I speak, I cannot express to you how happy I am on this Monday night. I will not be unreasonable and expect things to be this good forever, but I will enjoy the way it feels right now.

*sidenote: The warehouse owner and music producer is going to let me work for free in his shop - in exchange for CD's and entrance to shows - can you believe my luck?!

M is for Mean mommy

Friday? Oh thank gawd. However, I gave myself a rude awakening this morning when I jolted upright at 6:36 A.M. , and then lied to myself by saying,"Oh, don't worry, terri. Go back to sleep. It's Saturday."

I told myself the truth at 6:38.

This week was a little rough. Okay, alot rough. I caught a deep chest cold on Tuesday, got sent home from work on Wednesday, struggled through Thursday with a runny nose, and have hacked my way through most of today. Plus, the J-Man has sensed our anniversary approaching (tomorrow), and although he has never noticed his cycle of doing this, he is doing his level best to make me wish we had never said those fateful I DO words.

Why?!

Every birthday, every major holiday, and every anniversary he starts freaking out, making the day miserable and unbearable. Oh - he also starts this about 3 days before the anniversary of his dad's death. Do you think it's subconcious? Do you think he just feels pressure to perform? Perform WHAT?! I am the shopper, I am the planner, I am the one who does the holiday and anniversary preperation. All he has to do is show up with a happy face. But no. Whatever.


I broke my middle son's heart the other day. I threw out some papers that have been stacking in my office in quite the haphazardly way. I am not a packrat. I get rid of everything I can as soon as I can. (Except shoes.) Turns out that stack was Jeremy's School Papers. And in that stack was a poster that he had made me for Mother's Day. In PreSchool.

Trying so hard not to sob, with deep dark circles under his eyes, he asked me, "Why would you throw out one of your kid's papers?". If that wasn't bad enough, I could barely understand him because his voice was so choked with emotion that he used no consonants in his sentence.
It sounded like this: "Aye -wha-oo-oh-ow-er-iz-a-erz?" And of course I had to make him repeat it. Which made him cry harder.

Why WOULD I? Who DOES that?!

I suck at this mommy thing. And wife thing.

I gotta get me a title that I am good at.

Ride, Baby, Ride...

(My dearest friend Niel getting her first motorcycle ride. Please ignore the trashy neighbors across the street. I am trying to as well.)

This new motorcycle? HOT! I cannot get enough of it.

One really neat thing...you can't stay angry at a man that you have your arms wrapped around and your nose nuzzled in his neck.

J-man has been doing something new and wonderful - having me call before I am ready to come home from work. He then drives up on the big, black beast and whisks me away in quite a romantic (yet somehow yummy/dirty) way.

Tonight we went to the grocery store on the way home, and I had this really wonderful feeling that I am going to be just fine with us growing old together. It will be just the two of us at some point...going where we want to, doing what we want to, and enjoying the company.

And yeah - the groceries fit in the saddle bags. You would not believe the acts of contrition I performed in order to have my previous gaffe (about them looking like oldmansaddlebags) erased from memory. It was a challenge though - perhaps tomorrow I can come up with another offensive thing to say that will require massive creativity on my part to receive forgiveness.
LOL
;)t

Everyone Else Is Doing It

101 random things about me...

1. I love my name. In lower case.
2. I am an only child.
3. But I have 2 step-brothers, one half-brother, and three adopted siblings.
4. My parents divorced when I was 15.
5. They tried to divorce once when I was 13...but it didn’t work.
6. My father is a preacher – Nondenominational Charismatic.
7. My mother is not any organized religion.
8. But she believes in a Supreme Deity.
9. I haven’t been to church in about 6 months.
10. But we pray before every meal.
11. My favorite color is purple – or red. Also depends on the day.
12. I only wear black, white, red or brown.
13. I smoke. Involuntarily.
14. I am an insomniac.
15. I prefer Letterman over Leno.
16. I hate chores and paying bills.
17. I drink too much wine every other week.
18. I used to pick up hitch-hikers.
19. I am a compulsive photographer. Not a good one, just compulsive.
20. I have been pregnant 6 times.
21. I have had 4 babies.
22. I never wanted children.
23. But I am so proud of the ones I have.
24. I don’t like food, but I eat plenty.
25. I could eat the same thing for every meal every day for the rest of my life.
26. I forget to drink water for days on end.
27. I drink way too much coffee.
28. I am not a morning person but I love the sunrise.
29. Unless I am riding in a car – it makes me nauseous.
30. When I was 14 I went to Sweden as a teen missionary.
31. When I was 19 I learned how to read Tarot Cards and chart astrology.
32. I am a bookworm.
33. I never remember what I have read or who it was by.
34. I get confused sometimes about whether something really happened to somebody I know, or if I just read about it somewhere.
35. I hate the TV.
36. But I love Rescue Me on FX.
37. And Grey’s Anatomy.
38. I cry when they vote people off of reality survival shows.
39. I don’t really cry – I am more of a sobber.
40. I hated the Passion of the Christ.
41. I felt like I had viewed the murder of a man for 1 ½ hours – I felt dirty.
42. I did not feel grateful that God gave us His only son so that we could have life everlasting – I was really p*ssed off that He made the rules so that someone had to die. I never asked for anyone to be murdered for me.
43. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t be grateful and say thank you.
44. I still can’t.
45. I refuse to pay more than $35 for a concert ticket.
46. I buy a new CD every single time I go to Target.
47. I have a 4.0 in college.
48. But I can’t finish my degree because I keep dropping my Algebra course so I don’t ruin my GPA.
49. I am a passionate supporter of new bands – until they make it.
50. I have attachment disorder.
51. So does my mother.
52. We are attached to each other, though.
53. I dye my hair ...and pull out the gray ones when I can see them in my rear view mirror.
54. I met my husband when I was 16.
55. We broke up 38 times before we got married.
56. He married me because I told him he had to or move out of my apartment.
57. We have been married for 16 years.
58. I have never physically cheated on him since saying our vows.
59. We have attempted to sort things out in marriage counseling two times, each time lasting 6 months.
60. Both times we came out thinking that our counselor was crazier than we were.
61. We are going to try it again.
62. I have had West Nile Virus.
63. I am 36.
64. I forget that I am 36 until I see myself in the mirror.
65. I am steeped in End Time Theory.
66. I was taught that the world would end in 1988, 1991 & 1995.
67. I never chose a career for the future because I thought there was no point in it.
68. Now I refuse to think about the end of the world – and I unreasonably plan to be everything when I grow up.
69. I am a dabbler in many things, professional at nothing.
70. I am all or nothing with everything I take on.
71. I would rather clean the toilets than do dishes or laundry.
72. I hate baby showers and birthday parties.
73. Unless they are at a pub.
74. I am a Republican.
75. And a Patriot.
76. I am ashamed that I hate the president I voted for.
77. I am a carrier for strep throat.
78. I am married exactly the same amount of years my parents were when they divorced.
79. I traded my sports car in for a mini-van, and my mini-van in for a Pontiac Vibe.
80. I have 14,000 miles on the Vibe – I have had it for 2 ½ years.
81. I hate grocery shopping – you buy the food and then people eat it all up. Nothing to show for your money!
82. I love text messaging and e-mail.
83. I refuse to use short hand while texting.
84. I hate talking on the phone.
85. I would love to have been Greek.
86. Before the Romans took over.
87. I have one pet – the Skeeter Cat.
88. I found her in a mud puddle when she was approximately 4 weeks old.
89. I let her drink out of the bathroom faucet.
90. I don’t enjoy play dates.
91. Unless it is at a pub.
92. I have never done any illegal drugs.
93. Except one time I smoked some pot, but then I got really paranoid and made my friends take me to the ER because I was OD’ing.
94. They gave me a sandwich and sent me home.
95. I have many piercings, but no tattoos.
96. But it is on my list of things to do before I die.
97. I was a cheerleader through junior high and high school.
98. I dated my husband because he had a 65 Mustang. We still have it.
99. I love to sleep on the couch.
100. I am an internet junkie.
101. This year I went crazy – and I haven’t come back completely right yet.

Little Miss Muffet...

Look what was sitting by my desk when I got to the office today...ugh!

*not the lens cap. That is just for huuuge spidey reference.


And then when I got home, my boys had a present for me.



I am feeling a bit creepy-crawly...

Cold...but I'm Still Here...

Ah...if you have not already done so based on my extensive little-known musician reccommendations, you must go check out Evans Blue - an amazing group from Canada, and I love them so.

(this is two of those fantastic Evans Blue Boys and I at the 12th Planet)

And also, today when I was checking out the Two-for-Tuesday sale at Sony.com, there was an exclusive interview with my beloved Dropping Daylight. Do you know what this means?! They made it...omg, they made it. And although I am so very proud, I know I will never be able to see them play at dive bars or be openers that rock the house from here on out. They will be expensive headliners. I want you to remember that I loved them first. FIRST, d*mmit. ;)

I went to see my friend Joanne in Denver this weekend. (She is one of the girls I met when I was on the Quitnet 24/7.)

ANYway. I went to visit Jo this weekend, and to take pictures of the magnificent architecture Downtown Denver. While we were there, we stopped by the RockBottom Brewery to have some a couple of drinks, and to visit my friend Kendall. (Kendall - a child I had hired as a hostess when she was 15, and is now a manager at the RockBottom.) I am so very proud of MissKen, and was very happy to introduce her to Joanne and her sister Lori, except my introduction came out like this:

Me: Kendall, this is my dear friend Joanne and her sister...um...ummmm...oh cr*p!...ummm...Liz? Trish? Why can't I...?

Joanne: Lori. My sister's name is Lori.

Now I must remind you, I have spent tons of time hanging out with Lori. I adore her. Why couldn't I remember her name? Do I have Alzheimers? Ugh.

The only possibility (other than Alzheimers) that I can assuage my social guilt with is that perhaps I was mixing too many worlds together. Old School Kenny's, Old School Qnet, and Downtown Denver with Joanne. Those time periods span aproximately 10 years. Maybe my poor little brain just gave up.

Also, today I found out that I forgot to pay the MilkMan and the Trash Company.

Coincidence or trend? You be the judge.

My Foot - Too Big To Swallow...

So...it's the weekend. I am literally sighing big exhales of relief. Why do some weeks take a month to get through?!

I took my handsome husband to retrieve his motorcycle from the shop yesterday, and while we were there he wanted to show me the saddle bags he had ordered - and spent a fortune on. Ohmygawd...I felt so bad. They are hard and shiny and give every appearance of belonging on a tourist cycle! Old man saddle bags, even. And of course, my mouth opened before my brain kicked in to censor, and I told him exactly what I thought.

I am no longer allowed as a passenger.

It is going to take alot of steak and potatoes and random tricks of the trade (yeah, that trade. Not that I ever was in that trade...I just read alot.) to get my behind back on the black beast.

At least I have goals...
;)

Can You Take Me Higher?

We are once more at the cyclical portion of myself that moves forward too fast, and forgets to move my feet. I am flat on my face emotionally tonight...

Time again to be stuck in my little glass coffin, face pressed awkwardly against the surface, features smeared, watching the rest of the world whirl by.

I gotta figure this sh*t out.

This is the worst part of being Terri.

Rocky Mountain High...

(if you click on this, you can see the moose just hanging out on the golf course. Silly moose. There are golfers not 50 feet away and still they are staying on the green. Someone call fore!)

I finally got a little road trip, anyway. It made me miss my mom.
She used to live up in Woodland Park, CO, and going to visit her in the fall was a like visual candy. The colors, the vistas, the lighting - all perfect.

The boys and I drove up the canyon to Estes Park today and honestly, we had the best time. They had gotten up early and cleaned their room, eaten their breakfast and did not bicker one time. What was my reward for them? Sticking them in a car and making them go up where the temperature was freezing, the wind was howling, and made them hike in and out of the woods. We stopped at every sunny place along the river, and anywhere the trees appeared to be changing color. It was awesome!

Anyway, I find myself partial to the shots that I think will make my mom homesick...

I think that is called emotional manipulation. Ugh.

It's so different to drive somewhere just to enjoy the scene. I forgot there was such intense beauty just up the road.

I also forgot to send out the memo to the other drivers on the road that I was a tourist today...I wanted to shout to them to slow down and enjoy themselves! Where could they have possibly needed to get to at such an unhappy clip?! They wanted to shout at me to hurry up or get out of the way. In fact, I think they DID shout that...I have a hard time reading lips in the rear view mirror, but I am a strong believer in body language speaking louder than words. Especially The Finger type of body language.

Anyway, I can't think of a better way to have spent my Sunday. It could only have been topped if a live band would have been in the car with me...


One more thing...Here is a bench for Katya's collection. It was 60 feet away from the moose on the golf course, but I decided it was worth putting my life in danger to get it! ;)

Do You Know Where You're Going?

I am all over the place today.

I want to rearrange the house, relandscape the yard (or at least right the things that are wrong with it presently), get some friends together, hide out in my office, pay bills, go shopping, watch a movie, listen to a CD, read a book/million blogs, talk to my mother, get a pedi/mani, go hiking in Rocky Mountain National Park with my camera, take a nap, drink keoki coffee, sit on the deck with MyGuy and talk about nothing important, play football in the park with my boys...but you know what?

One of the only things that I will actually accomplish in real life is a nap.

You Are an Obsession - You're My Obsession...

So...about this new camera...and all of its wonderfulness: OMG. I can't put it down! I think about it at work. I buy it new toys. I create new pages for it to show off on. I can't get to bed before 2 in the morning because I am reading and reading and practicing and reading some more about all of it's magic.

The camera has to go...

...on a road trip.
;)

Mercy Fall...

Oh, man.

I mean - Oh, MY man.

'Twas the strangest thing...MyGuy has been bugging me for the past 18 months to go see my doctor and tell him about all of the changes I have made in my life, and to maybe find out why I have been so erratic and (yes) a little out of control. Obviously, I took that very personally - and not very graciously, either. He went as far as to tape a questionnaire he found in the newspaper on my computer monitor. The large print promised it would help a person know if there was a possibility that they needed to be treated for bipolarism.

Now, everyone I know that has taken the little quiz has scored in the affirmative to requiring the medication being peddled. Needless to say, I was not only mad - I was hurt. I told him it was him making me crazy by drowning me in a life of monotony. I told him he was dying a slow death and killing me with him!

MyGuy apparently took the quiz as well and did not score well on the mental health side.

I just found out a couple of weeks ago that he went to his doctor soon after that - and came home with some medication.

Today he is a changed man - and I mean that in every sense of the word. Was he depressed? Unbelievably so. Did I make that easier with my vagrant lifestyle? No. I am sorry, MyGuy...

Although he will not be a longtermpillpopper, I am so happy that he is taking care of himself. I know that this treatment is just to give him a leg up and I am grateful that he will have that chance. He is happy, attentive, hopeful, balanced, and aware. He is even making future plans again - plans for fun and not failure. The way he is interacting with our children is magical and everything I wanted in a co-parent. The way he is treating me is...amazing. And wonderful. And healing, even.

And oh! The TV? Yeah...it is off. For hours at a time. Public Service will be very confused when they review our account.

I Remember Everything...

I want to say something beautiful and honoring on this 5th anniversary of 9-11.

But the words that come through my fingers will never be able to express the emotions I feel regarding the day that America was attacked by pure evil and hatred.

So, I will send my thoughts and prayers to those of you who lost family members and personal friends.

And I will be proud to be an American.

A New Sensation (Right Now!)...

I bought myself a present yesterday. One that I really love. I bought Adobe PhotoShop even though I have at least 7 other photo editing programs. Apparently not 7 other good ones.

I am practicing with watermarks tonight, and enjoying all of the bells and whistles. I haven't gotten up the nerve to alter very many of my photos - I am always afraid I won't be able to get my original back. I know, it's irrational - whatever.

The birthday parties this weekend were a TRIP! Remember the one where I was gonna size up the momma and throw down if need be? Yeah...no. She is a big'un. Not only that, but it took me a little while to realize why all 75 of her family members were wearing blue. It took me even longer to realize that Jory and Owen were the only children not related there.

The birthday child belongs to a family that runs with the Norteno's (please insert squiggly) - who coincidentally just murdered someone from their rival gang, the Sureno's (again with the squiggly). The only way I know about this is from the newspaper, so it was fascinating AND nervewracking to overhear tidbits from various family members.

Owen's mother flaked out first by claiming that Owen had a sore throat - she actually threw the word Strep out there for consideration. I left fairly soon after that, waving with my broad, brave smile plastered onto my pale face until they could no longer see me.

...and came home a little less sure of my abilities to "handle" Birthday Boy's Mommy. *sigh*

When The World Falls Away

(I was playing with my settings, trying to get the water to look more solid. It deprived the rocks and greenery of sharp lines (see blurry), but I love the varied shades of green and brown so much that I am KEEPing it.

...I want to sit right here on a rock for the rest of my life.

Of course, I don't want the seasons to change or for me to get hungry.

There are lots of things wrong with getting to do WHATEVER it is that I want for the rest of my life.

But it doesn't make me stop wanting the good things to keep going on and on and on...

Bring 'Em Back Alive...

Dizmas at the Ogden Theatre - Denver

Friday! Sweet Friday...how is it possible to experience an extremely long four day week?!

I intend to pack so much into this weekend that my head will literally spin off. There is a music festival in Estes Park, Rightfully Accused (who I met at Seether in Feb.) is playing at Eck's Saloon in Denver in the Battle of the Bands, and AudioSlave's new album came out 9-5.

Oh - and then there is the birthday parties. One for a sweet little kindergartner, and the other for a child that likes to punch and kick my youngest on the bus every day. The latter is one that I will accompany him on and size up the mother.

I think that I could take her. Happy Birthday, darling!

Why Can't I Be You?

Tonight I have to do dishes and laundry. I just know deep down inside that I was meant for SO much more. I was supposed to be a rock star. I am sure of it.

And you know what else? Tonight I found out that the Boy that promised to pine after me...adore me...love me forever although I wasn't willing to change a thing for him (like being married) and could never reciprocate in feelings has moved on and found a girl he can actually have a relationship with. WTF??!!

(...this is not a photo of him...this is my friend Jeff.)

I just don't understand. ;)

Ramble On, White Girl...

First off, I would like to suggest to you all a terrific wine to try - Montoya Vineyard, Cabernet, Proprietor's Collection, 2003 - it is heavenly. I am in my office with a glass of it right now.

Next-Blogging I am not doing, though. *whew*

You all know that I am huge on Nine Inch Nails, Audioslave, Breaking Benjamin,Tool, GhostMachine, 30 Seconds to Mars and Seether et al. So it was a large yet pleasant surprise to me when I started attending Ramble shows...particularly WhiteWater Ramble shows. Niel is the one to blame for this - she is the lovely girlfriend of Howard (middle), the upright bass player. Magnificent is he on his instrument, and wonderful is the whole band together. I dance myself silly at their shows.

A couple of weekends ago I had the opportunity to attend West Fest with Niel and Howie to see Nickel Creek. This group was so enjoyable - fantastic guitar and rhythm accented pleasantly by a girl with a voice akin to DiDo...or Loreena Mckinnet.

Because it was an outdoor show, I brought THE camera, thinking I could get some good shots of the mountains at sunset in Fort Collins, and of course Nickel Creek. The camera was a hit with the other photographers, and it was neat to have random people stop to examine it and ask questions about all of its amazingness. However, as I prepared to take only my third or fourth pic, a boy in a yellow jacket appeared in front of me - his face serious, his mouth saying NOTHING I could understand. I had handed my cam to Howie (because he is taller) so that he might get a better shot at the stage than I could expect at my short height. That silly yellow jacketed boy was pointing and mumbling something about "...or I will have to confiscate your camera". I smiled obligatorily - what a jokester - until I realized that he was for REAL. The boy was apparently responsible for policing all camera use in the area and was telling us to put it away or he would take my beautiful new toy! Whaaa?! I, of course, put it away for the rest of the show, but I want you to see the pic I DID get (with my little P.O.S. concertcamera). What do you see? Video cameras, phone cameras, digital cameras all around. Do you think he visited any of them? Nope. Not a single shooter - only me. I think it's because (or I flatter myself by thinking that) I looked like paparazzi.
I will have you know that I told him at the end of the show that he hurt my feelings. He tried to explain that he was only doing his job, and that he didn't see anyone else and that he was sorry - and I refused to forgive him. I simply said he obviously WASN'T doing his job if the only person he saw was poor little ole me. And I walked away. Very dramatically. Take THAT, camerastealingyellowjacketboy. HA!

Quickly, I want to encourage you to go see another Jam/Ramble band that I had the opportunity to visit last weekend...Split Lip Rayfield is one of those tremendous talents that will come to an end long before they are ready. One of the members(front man & guitarist Kirk Rundstrom, far left) was diagnosed with terminal lymphoma and has only 1-4 months to live. They are making their last rounds through America with all ticket sales going to his medical fund. I am honored that I was able to be in attendance during their last CO show...

Ramble On, Kirk Rundstrom. I will be one of the ones you see dancing my *ss off to the bass and mandolin...with my camera 'round my neck.

I'm a Little Tea Pot...

Note to self:

Self, if you want to feel inferior, you must lock yourself in your office with a bottle of wine and hit "next blog" about 452 times. And then you should feel ashamed of yourself for the amount of time you wasted doing that. Inferiority and shame - two equally powerful emotions. Let's do that again real soon.

Karma and Effect

my children and my little sister at Lost River, NH. They all look so deceptively harmless and sweet. Whatever.

I have too much to say, I think. My brain is a little whirl-y this morning. Could one whole pot of coffee be too much coffee?

The children:
My oldest wants me to start treating her like a teenager...little does she know that I already am. I owe her $875 for babysitting this summer, and she wants me to buy her a laptop in lieu of cash. Fine - I can do that. But she wants to keep it in her room, and she wants to have access to the Internet whenever she wants, wherever she wants to go and I just can't allow that yet. Why not? 'Cause I am an adult and I know what kind of trouble I have gotten myself into - how in the world can I let my baby run rampantly and unaware through the web? The worst part is that I can't even tell her how and why I know personally that unlimited access is bad for her...so I used the whole "I had a friend once who..." example.

The boys needed to clean their room yesterday - no small task for sure. Only, they took hours and hours and all they accomplished was making the mess worse. So, being the hardcore mommy that I am, I sacked everything that was on the floor and took it away. My middle child LOST his mind - and kicked me! "Oh mom, I am so sorry!" he cried with a scared and pitiful look on his face, "I have terrible anger management!". Where does a six year old learn that term? I was so stunned by the kick (and taken aback by the big words from the small mouth) that I numbly continued to sack the toys...and then that child kicked me three more times! Whaaa? I have no experience in how to deal with physical violence. How do you react to such a thing? Quietly, I marched him up the stairs to turn him over to his father...who was just as dumbfounded. "I know what I would do if you were an adult," he growled softly, "But, you are six."

What do we do? He is grounded of course...but is this just an indication of things to come? Is my sweet, passionate, sensitive little man going to be a brawler? Or worse, a child who expresses his rage by taking a gun to school and participating in a Columbine Massacre? And why doesn't he know not to kick his mom? Why doesn't he know not to hurt girls in ANY way? Who's fault is this? How do we fix this?

Ugh.

In other news:
The J-Man & I went to a UNC football game yesterday - we took the motorcycle 'cause we are amazingly cool like that.

Overheard as we dismounted the loud, huge beast: "Wow. I didn't know it was parent's weekend!"

HAHA!

Dance, Dance - We're Falling Apart to Half-Time...

Here is the third pic I took with the new cam - that is a lake out in the distance...click to enlarge- there are enough pixels - I love being able to say that!


Well, the children are fine now. Of course. They are back to their tattling, their tormenting, and their brawling ways. Great. I imagine that considering the alternatives, I would much rather be sending them to opposite corners rather than visiting them in the hospital.

I spent so much time alone with small children yesterday that I had the great opportunity to read and read and read some more blogs - I think I may be an addict. Unfortunately, I also had the opportunity to experience what Jock is talking about regarding comments. Except - some BlogSpots say that the comment didn't take - then I try again - then it doesn't take again - I give up, go back later, and D*MN if the comments didn't ALL show up. Not a good way to make new friends!

I am on my way to Fort Collins to a concert at the Aggie, and some drinks downtown. No, I am not taking my new camera - my little HP has been relegated to "concertcamera only status". I don't think that camera shop in NH will send me a new D70 if I drop it now...I may have used up my only mulligan in that department.

Have a great night, all!

different focus towards the lake...isn't that an amazing view? *sigh*