M is for Mean mommy

Friday? Oh thank gawd. However, I gave myself a rude awakening this morning when I jolted upright at 6:36 A.M. , and then lied to myself by saying,"Oh, don't worry, terri. Go back to sleep. It's Saturday."

I told myself the truth at 6:38.

This week was a little rough. Okay, alot rough. I caught a deep chest cold on Tuesday, got sent home from work on Wednesday, struggled through Thursday with a runny nose, and have hacked my way through most of today. Plus, the J-Man has sensed our anniversary approaching (tomorrow), and although he has never noticed his cycle of doing this, he is doing his level best to make me wish we had never said those fateful I DO words.


Every birthday, every major holiday, and every anniversary he starts freaking out, making the day miserable and unbearable. Oh - he also starts this about 3 days before the anniversary of his dad's death. Do you think it's subconcious? Do you think he just feels pressure to perform? Perform WHAT?! I am the shopper, I am the planner, I am the one who does the holiday and anniversary preperation. All he has to do is show up with a happy face. But no. Whatever.

I broke my middle son's heart the other day. I threw out some papers that have been stacking in my office in quite the haphazardly way. I am not a packrat. I get rid of everything I can as soon as I can. (Except shoes.) Turns out that stack was Jeremy's School Papers. And in that stack was a poster that he had made me for Mother's Day. In PreSchool.

Trying so hard not to sob, with deep dark circles under his eyes, he asked me, "Why would you throw out one of your kid's papers?". If that wasn't bad enough, I could barely understand him because his voice was so choked with emotion that he used no consonants in his sentence.
It sounded like this: "Aye -wha-oo-oh-ow-er-iz-a-erz?" And of course I had to make him repeat it. Which made him cry harder.

Why WOULD I? Who DOES that?!

I suck at this mommy thing. And wife thing.

I gotta get me a title that I am good at.


Quindigo said...

Turns out you found the perfect anniversary gift: a deep chest cold for him. Make sure you seal it with a kiss.


Marla said...

Quindigo has nailed it!!!! Happy anniversary honey, hack hack. It's perfect.

Sorry about your little guy's broken heart. It happens to the best of us. Ask him to draw you another one, frame it and hang it on your office wall. He'll love that.

Sarah said...

LOVE this story. I did this with the letter "C" yesterday.

Dylan had spent time gluing cotton balls to a piece of paper in the shape of a C. Cotton balls to me are like fingernails on a chalkboard. Hey, I don't know why either. Don't look at me like that.

Anyway, when he went to throw away his empty raisin box, there was his paper, underneath an old, used coffee filter.

I blamed it on my husband.

Have a very happy anniversary. Hopefully you won't be spending it covered in Vicks.

terri said...

Indi: I love it! Happy Anniversary, you darling man....muuuuaaaaah. *coughhacksnort*

Marla: the frame is a great idea - I am going to do this. It really is an attractive (if mostly teacher made) poster. Do children ever forgive such an error, or will he tell this story at my funeral?

Sarah: I don't like Q-tips, so I totally get where you are coming from. And how come the coffee filter is always on TOP of what we are trying to retrieve for someone else? Good call on blaming the husband - wish I had thought of that.

All: thank you for the annie wishes. I intend to make this a good day if it KILLS me. Or him.

f:lux said...

Hey, Happy Anniversary!!! Sounds like a good excuse for a party to me, followed by a decent lie in? Oh and tell your kid that you're looking forward to the next picture he makes for you ;)

Rebecca said...

Happy Anniversary!!! And believe me, I was occasionally pretty sucky at the whole mommy thing, too, but somehow it all works out.

Katatonic said...

okay, here goes

steve irwins family is suing Coppertone.

why, you ask.

He used the product but, it didn't protect him from harmful rays.

i though i was too funny - my isiter gave me a complex so, i took it down.

Don't you think its funny?

About the mommy thing your doing great. You cant keep everything.

terri said...

F:lux - it was indeed a decent lie in. And I have received a slurry of new pictures from the child - you can bet they are going to be displayed in prominent places.

Becca: Thanks! It was indeed a wonderful day. I am believing you about the mommy thing - your girls are great. Fantastic, even.

Kat: OMG - is that a joke?! Does grief make an entire family ridiculous?

Yes, I do think that is funny. In a maudilin (sp)sort of way.

And for the record, I think you should have left it up.

Slight Clutter said...

There is no "P" for Perfection in the word "Mommy." You are surely doing a great job. Everyone says and does things they regret; it's part of what makes us human. The key is the letter "S" for "sorry." As long as that is conveyed in earnest...all is good.

This was a very compelling read. You are a very skilled writer -- both vulnerable and interesting.

I've been swamped lately. Sorry I haven't been around. :(