Karma and Effect

my children and my little sister at Lost River, NH. They all look so deceptively harmless and sweet. Whatever.

I have too much to say, I think. My brain is a little whirl-y this morning. Could one whole pot of coffee be too much coffee?

The children:
My oldest wants me to start treating her like a teenager...little does she know that I already am. I owe her $875 for babysitting this summer, and she wants me to buy her a laptop in lieu of cash. Fine - I can do that. But she wants to keep it in her room, and she wants to have access to the Internet whenever she wants, wherever she wants to go and I just can't allow that yet. Why not? 'Cause I am an adult and I know what kind of trouble I have gotten myself into - how in the world can I let my baby run rampantly and unaware through the web? The worst part is that I can't even tell her how and why I know personally that unlimited access is bad for her...so I used the whole "I had a friend once who..." example.

The boys needed to clean their room yesterday - no small task for sure. Only, they took hours and hours and all they accomplished was making the mess worse. So, being the hardcore mommy that I am, I sacked everything that was on the floor and took it away. My middle child LOST his mind - and kicked me! "Oh mom, I am so sorry!" he cried with a scared and pitiful look on his face, "I have terrible anger management!". Where does a six year old learn that term? I was so stunned by the kick (and taken aback by the big words from the small mouth) that I numbly continued to sack the toys...and then that child kicked me three more times! Whaaa? I have no experience in how to deal with physical violence. How do you react to such a thing? Quietly, I marched him up the stairs to turn him over to his father...who was just as dumbfounded. "I know what I would do if you were an adult," he growled softly, "But, you are six."

What do we do? He is grounded of course...but is this just an indication of things to come? Is my sweet, passionate, sensitive little man going to be a brawler? Or worse, a child who expresses his rage by taking a gun to school and participating in a Columbine Massacre? And why doesn't he know not to kick his mom? Why doesn't he know not to hurt girls in ANY way? Who's fault is this? How do we fix this?


In other news:
The J-Man & I went to a UNC football game yesterday - we took the motorcycle 'cause we are amazingly cool like that.

Overheard as we dismounted the loud, huge beast: "Wow. I didn't know it was parent's weekend!"



terri said...

stupid blogger. Sorry Marla - I love your comments...I am sad they didn't show up!


Quindigo said...

Oh, I don't have any experience with aggressive, angry boys...HAHAHA! OF COURSE I do!

I bagged up all my son's toys once when he was four (I picked out the Lego's afterward, though - they're so damn expensive) and took them to Goodwill. I never had to do it again.

When his dad was gone, and he couldn't control his anger, I used to have to sit on him to hold him down. He was just too emotionally immature to know how to deal with it (now he's fine, btw, other than the occasional boxing match he and his friends have).

Your son may have been testing the waters to see how far he could go (and they start Anger Management programs in elementary school, so odds are he knows kids that go). I wouldn't worry too much, if you haven't seen any signs of aggression previously, since it seems like a lot of behaviour runs in phases ("the crying phase", "stuttering phase", etc.). It all seems to be some sort of progression in dealing with emotion.

Of course, you probably shouldn't listen to ME if you're legitimately concerned. :)

terri said...

Thank you Indi. I need to hear those things...this mommy gig is harder than I thought it would be. Tough crowd, low pay, lodging and food NOT paid for...can't wait to look back and tell another mommy not to worry too much.