Cold...but I'm Still Here...

Ah...if you have not already done so based on my extensive little-known musician reccommendations, you must go check out Evans Blue - an amazing group from Canada, and I love them so.

(this is two of those fantastic Evans Blue Boys and I at the 12th Planet)

And also, today when I was checking out the Two-for-Tuesday sale at Sony.com, there was an exclusive interview with my beloved Dropping Daylight. Do you know what this means?! They made it...omg, they made it. And although I am so very proud, I know I will never be able to see them play at dive bars or be openers that rock the house from here on out. They will be expensive headliners. I want you to remember that I loved them first. FIRST, d*mmit. ;)

I went to see my friend Joanne in Denver this weekend. (She is one of the girls I met when I was on the Quitnet 24/7.)

ANYway. I went to visit Jo this weekend, and to take pictures of the magnificent architecture Downtown Denver. While we were there, we stopped by the RockBottom Brewery to have some a couple of drinks, and to visit my friend Kendall. (Kendall - a child I had hired as a hostess when she was 15, and is now a manager at the RockBottom.) I am so very proud of MissKen, and was very happy to introduce her to Joanne and her sister Lori, except my introduction came out like this:

Me: Kendall, this is my dear friend Joanne and her sister...um...ummmm...oh cr*p!...ummm...Liz? Trish? Why can't I...?

Joanne: Lori. My sister's name is Lori.

Now I must remind you, I have spent tons of time hanging out with Lori. I adore her. Why couldn't I remember her name? Do I have Alzheimers? Ugh.

The only possibility (other than Alzheimers) that I can assuage my social guilt with is that perhaps I was mixing too many worlds together. Old School Kenny's, Old School Qnet, and Downtown Denver with Joanne. Those time periods span aproximately 10 years. Maybe my poor little brain just gave up.

Also, today I found out that I forgot to pay the MilkMan and the Trash Company.

Coincidence or trend? You be the judge.

Black Hole Sun, Won't You Come

Tonight I got to talk to TWO of my closest friends in the whole d*mn world. I am funny that way - my dearest friends are people who you can not speak with for days/weeks/months and yet pick up exactly where you left off, and not feel guilty for not communicating enough. I can't do the whole "best friend" thing. Can't even call anyone my "best friend" - it makes me feel obligated and I end up hating them. Not something I like about myself, but it is better to recognize the truth rather than try to change to be someone I am not.

You all know Niel - she's my girl. An old soul who teaches me history and compassion for humanity, yet goes to loudsmashingmoshingfreakshows of concerts with me just 'cause she loves me that much. She doesn't even know the music - just goes because I want to. When she calls to tell me about her day or just to get some Mama T Time she has a way of making me feel like ... like I am needed. Fun. Wise. Loved. Important. Like I still exist...even though I have been gone from my Kenny's Staff for over 8 months now. I am a better wife, mother, friend and employee because I have a Niel in my life.

My other friend Kelli started out as my daycare provider when Taylor was a baby. When Taylor began pre-school, we continued our friendship over the phone. I kid you not, I have seen her maybe 10 times in the last 10 years...and still, I need her so. (Sad part is that she lives 12 miles away...count 'em...12, and I never see her.) Hours upon hours have been spent discussing hopes and dreams and frustrations with husbands (J-Man still calls Kelli when things need translation...she speaks his language and can talk him down from the roof, and likewise, I understand her Guy better than she does.) children, careers, religion, money, past lives and all of their victories and shaming moments, personal and social psychology. We truly have an amazing repertoire - nothing is off limits.

Except me being this crazy.

How can she be older than I am and not understand this ...place...that I am in? How can she not feel the pressure, the growling need, the gnawing to LIVE...to keep moving, to make a difference in our lifetime? What are the words I can use to describe the desperation I feel? She tries to make sense of me, but cannot grasp the concept that I feel like everyone around me is fading away in front of the TV or dying, drowning in their apathy towards life - and taking me with them!

I am at a loss for words. Perhaps it is a word choice itself that is causing the inability to find commiseration.

Or perhaps I am crazy in an original, new and undocumented way.

Nah. ;)

So, the Terri&Niel duo hit another concert on Sunday. Well...kind of a concert. Warped Tour is supposed to be the height of the summer up-and-coming band showcases. Of course I wanted to be there! Plus, 30 STM was playing...couldn't miss it. No sir.

Let me tell you what we found: a reaaaaaaly hot parking lot. With lots of stages and booths and trash galore. And rotten adolescents (some brought by their mommies! Ha!) running amok. The entry guard made us toss our carefully planned water bottles full of Raspberry Rum, and even one open bottle of water, (alcohol abuse!!) so I couldn't even anesthetize myself enough to block out the children. (I use wine at home for that purpose.) The highlight was finding some young bands who really wanted us to check out their music, asking us to listen through headphones and watching our faces for reactions.

Sidenote: One young man was so eager and his music was truly good, and I was thrilled that we had taken a chance on buying his wares. His eagerness to please wore on me when he announced "Yeah, mom's always like us." And then that child smiled and nodded to Niel in quite the conspiratory fashion - he apparently thought she was my beautiful daughter. Talk about a fall down to Earth. After a quick adding, we discovered she could indeed be my offspring! Hmmm. I should be so lucky! ;) Anyway...I digress.





We mapped out the bands we wanted to listen to: Aiden (good), Greeley Estates (omg - the screaming woven throughout the lyrics about killed me!), Less Than Jake(never made it, but I have always liked them), and 30 STM. All of that planning and waiting for the appropriate stage times and wading through rivers of trash and sledge put quite an edge on my expectations of the bands and their audiences. I was truly sad when we left the one stage that made us the happiest (Joan Jett and the Blackhearts) to get in line for 30 STM. Although we could still hear her, I wish we would have stayed to see her in action. That girl still has all of the prowess she employed in the '80's. Unbelievable. 30 STM? Yeah. People pressed in like sardines. On the pavement. In 104 degree heat. Not to mention the crowd busters who would lock their arms and start plowing through the crowd to get closer to the stage. Believe it or not - I have learned nothing from my YeahYeahYeah concert experience. I almost threw down at least twice...Niel is so darn little and makes a nice target for big dumb*sses who want to get through quickly. Ugh. The mommy in me wanted to teach them some manners, fgs! We ended up exiting that crowd and sitting on a curb out of view of the stage for the remaining two songs...and decided right then and there that we had received quite enough from the skaterpunk/gothwanna-be fourteen year olds. We left. And waded back through the rivers of trash created by these disrespectful Coloradoan teens. To think some of them were brought there by their own parents. For shame.





The coolest part of the day? Getting some new CD's. The absolute best part of the day? Hanging with a friend that will try anything - and makes everything fun even in the worst of environments. The lesson learned from the day? I don't like Warped Tour. That knowledge will save me some money next year.

So, my children think Dad is a better cook than Mom. I don't know what to do with that piece of information. I know that my daughter will always think Dad is better than Mom, 'cause that's just how girls are! And while it stings, I can understand and sometimes even deal with that. Now... aren't my boys supposed to think I hung the moon? I know they think I am pretty cool, and I know they come to me with all their littleboyproblems and littleboyprojects, but how can they possibly agree that Dad cooks better? That blows my mind. I am gonna cook the most awesome dinner tomorrow...and then I will eat it all by myself. Hmmph.

I got to see Niel tonight, and oh, how good it was for my soul. I have a friend that makes me belly laugh while shopping for toothpaste at Target. I have a friend that will listen to the same song over and over (complete with choreography), bellowing the lyrics through the sunroof, and still get chills everytime the opening guitar riff stirs. I have a friend who changes the way I live in any given moment...her very prescence calms and revives me simultaneously. And she is crazy as h*ll. I am blessed.

Have a good road trip with the Howmiester, Niel...and don't let NIN make you speed TOO much!

I got to work with my old crew last night! Oh I know, it was volunteer and it was serving food to people who paid waaaay too much money to eat in a "special" area of the Stampede and NOT with the common folk...but it was with my old crew. Although I have not forgotten how much I miss them, I had forgotten how good it is to be with them.

Some of them I have known since they were 15 years old. Back then they were just starting out as a hostess or dishwasher, little awkward gangly people - and now they are 22 years old! And oh, so talented. One of my girls is moving to Pittsburgh with the chef (ugh...the egomaniacal slug who wouldn't serve the gravy...) , another is going to NY to attend more TV and Movie school (watch for her - she is gonna be HUUUGE!), and another will be a musician come h*ll or high water.

And they still love Mama T.

I wish it was possible to go back in time. It's not true that you can always go home.

P.S. I attended my very first Country&Western concert - Sugarland. I am happy to report that it wasn't bad at all!