My vision is starting to clear.

I was so afraid that I was going to be crazy forever...that I would never be able to concentrate or see things wholly. I have never in my life taken such an extended absence from reality, and I am not sure how to keep it from happening again. I wonder what it is called...I wonder if other people go through it. I guess the best way to describe it is to say that it is like living like you are only watching a movie. Nothing has real-life consequences, everything happens in twists and turns, nothing is out of the question and everything is either extremely exciting or extremely bad. It was as if I started a whole different life. I loved the heights and depths of the emotions I experienced - but it took such a toll on my family. I would rather be me. Silly, happy, extroverted, creatively sane, loving me. I can't get back the things I gave up in the past nine months, like my job, but maybe that is okay too. My job brings my family tremendous blessings that they have previously been denied because I insisted on working for love and not money. Now I work only for money - I gotta find some way to weave some love in there I guess.

But I am seeing things correctly again. Unless this is just another cruel twist and I am crazier than before. How can one diagnose such a thing? Hmmm. I guess the proof will be in the pudding. ;)


Jorge said...

Pudding is always the way to go.

Working for money is just a way to afford to do the things we love.

It's that simple. You'll find out soon enough!

I believe in you.

Jeff said...

The other thing that most of us miss is the fact that we work for time as well. A healthy balance between the three is important. Time is something that you can't make up. Enjoy the time you have at work, but more importantly, enjoy your time with family too.

Things can become rocky at home. these times make you appreciate the good times even more. The good times come back, if you want them to. Cherish them when they happen.

Quindigo said...

So...everyone doesn't live like they're watching movies? Personally, I prefer a good dose of delusional to keep the depression at bay. I have faith that you'll figure it out and find a balance.

And work? I just work to feed cats. Sigh.

terri said...

Jorge: I really LIKE the simplicity in that...I can roll with that principle.;)

Jeff: Working for time - you are right, I had missed that part of the equation. Nice to see you in cirulation again! ;)

Indi:I imagine keeping the depression at bay is exactly what my insane membrane is doing for me. Just more vividly than I have ever experienced before...technicolor even!

Glad you aren't gonna feed those sweet cats any of those killer tomatoes! *shiver* ;)