7.10.2006


My vision is starting to clear.

I was so afraid that I was going to be crazy forever...that I would never be able to concentrate or see things wholly. I have never in my life taken such an extended absence from reality, and I am not sure how to keep it from happening again. I wonder what it is called...I wonder if other people go through it. I guess the best way to describe it is to say that it is like living like you are only watching a movie. Nothing has real-life consequences, everything happens in twists and turns, nothing is out of the question and everything is either extremely exciting or extremely bad. It was as if I started a whole different life. I loved the heights and depths of the emotions I experienced - but it took such a toll on my family. I would rather be me. Silly, happy, extroverted, creatively sane, loving me. I can't get back the things I gave up in the past nine months, like my job, but maybe that is okay too. My job brings my family tremendous blessings that they have previously been denied because I insisted on working for love and not money. Now I work only for money - I gotta find some way to weave some love in there I guess.

But I am seeing things correctly again. Unless this is just another cruel twist and I am crazier than before. How can one diagnose such a thing? Hmmm. I guess the proof will be in the pudding. ;)
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