I seem to be self-destructing. I get to a level of self-assuredness, a place of knowing that I will be okay...and then I go and f*ck it up. Mainly it's by abusing my body. I will drink too much, refuse to do the regiment I set out for myself (prepared the day before even!), put myself in dangerous situations, and act on impulses that I have no idea as to where they come from. I am a grown woman! Mind boggling, it is...
So many emotions today - so little desire to reconcile them. Is it desire? Or is it resources that I am lacking? Or are these emotions even reconcileable? I dunno.
Tomorrow is gonna be better. This much I know.
4 comments:
It's the beauty and frustration of life, huh ter? It's a continuous journey to try to get to the top of the hill. Looks like a nice place to be til you get close. Then you look down and think how much fun it would be to just tumble down to the bottom. But of course when you get there you remember that your goal was to get to the top.
It'd probably be boring spending your life sitting on the top of the hill. Much better to keep climbing and tumbling.
LYM
Is it tomorrow yet?
Anon: you are right. But the somersaults are quite spectacular and leave me a little bruised! Perhaps I should just learn to tumble better. Yeah - thats it. I need grace.
Rebecca: It is indeed tomorrow, and things are just as I suspected. Much better. ;)
Shouldn't life be full of suprises? I kind of like waking up, not knowing who will be living inside my head each particular day.
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