I seem to be self-destructing. I get to a level of self-assuredness, a place of knowing that I will be okay...and then I go and f*ck it up. Mainly it's by abusing my body. I will drink too much, refuse to do the regiment I set out for myself (prepared the day before even!), put myself in dangerous situations, and act on impulses that I have no idea as to where they come from. I am a grown woman! Mind boggling, it is...
So many emotions today - so little desire to reconcile them. Is it desire? Or is it resources that I am lacking? Or are these emotions even reconcileable? I dunno.
Tomorrow is gonna be better. This much I know.