Releasing of Fingers...

Oh...wow...I had no idea it had been so long since I blogged. I can't even begin to explain why. It has almost been like a phobia - a blogaversion. Is there such a thing? I would come to the computer, start to sit down, and literally my body would make a left turn and I would exit the office out the other door.

Then I would think later about all of the things I wanted to say...and yet, I could not get the words to come through my fingers. Whatever blockage was there, this morning it seems to be gone.

My photo shoot last weekend was so much fun, and the band reports that they really like them. They also asked if I would be available for future concert dates and some promotional studio shots. I can't begin to tell you how good that makes my little heart feel.

Tonight I am attending a release party for Dave Beegle - and although I have been asked to work, I have no idea what that means. Is that camera work? Is it merch booth work? Is it taking out the trash after everyone has left?

You know what? I don't care. I am just so honored to be invited. I might want to tell them, though, that I don't do windows.

Tomorrow is my daughters 14th birthday. Has it really been 14 years since my gorgeous, taller-than-me, smarter-than-I-ever-hoped-to-be, most-creative-child-on-the-face-of-the-planet was born? Feels like it was yesterday...

She worked a catering with me last night. Like all mothers, I worried about her work ethic and her ability to be a team player, and her ability to put her heart and soul into everything she does even if it is something not so enjoyable. I will never worry about that again. She worked just as hard as I did and fit in with my crew like she had always been part of us. Amazing. I am so very proud of her.

The only moment that gave me pause? When the DJ came out and she knew every word to that stupid SexyBack song. That's okay...she was a little horrified when I knew where the double-up-UH-UH in Baby Got Back came in. We did the Electric Slide together in the kitchen. I have a feeling her college graduation party will be a scene to end all scenes.


I am hoping that today is wonderful for all of you...it is such a crazy time of year, and it seems to go so fast. Please enjoy the Christmas Time Warp - it will be the doldrums of January before we know it.
;)t

Let the Hollydaze begin!

I took my camera on a date this weekend.

Yeah, we walked around some parks together, we talked to other human/camera couples going by, and we gazed into the lakes and watched the birds...all the while being very in tune with each other.

We even went shopping for more toys for the camera - and if I stop dropping it, I bet those toys will fit just right! I love my camera. Too much. And I am fine with that.

I spent the rest of the weekend working on the 'puter - and OH that was wonderful. I am sure it was startling to some of you though, to have your emails answered and returned almost before you hit send. I was most efficient.

One of the cool things that happened this weekend: A local band has asked me to come shoot their show next weekend. Now, I have done this before obviously, but always for me alone. I am feeling pressure about doing it for someone else. What if they don't like my style? What if I forget my battery? What if I drop the camera? What if I get drunk and crawl on stage WITH them? And those are just my irrational worries. I can't even begin to list the worries that make sense...

I am thinking that this Christmas season we are going to practice forgiveness where it is not justified. We are going to extend love where love is not deserved (I use that term too loosely in this sentence, I know). And let it begin with me - like this : Jerry hung Christmas Lights today - the H Home will look pretty snazzy this year. In response, I am gonna wear some some new items tonight that will help speed along the trimming of MY tree.

And the camera will just have to hang on the doorknob in its case for THIS date.


;)t

I Have a Dream...

Okay...I HAD a dream. And it woke me up, too. I woke up shaking with fear that I had finally given in to the dark side of me and was going to do the Big Beautiful Nasty with a man that was NOT my husband.

It wasn't a sexual dream. I knew the man in real life...he was someone I enjoyed kissing a million years ago before saying "I Do".

I ran into him in my dream at some random house where I was to celebrate Thanksgiving. I intended to throw my arms around his neck and kiss him on the cheek, but the closest I got was him putting his hands on my hips and leaning down to brush his lips against my ear. I think he said something, but as I placed my hands on his hips in return - I knew it was all over, and all I can remember was the roaring in my ears of my face flushing. I was going to give this man everything I am. Body, heart and soul.

And then I woke up.

And I realized that I am so f*cking starved for physical and emotional contact...I actually think my skin is crying out LOUD to be touched.

There was a study that came out recently that women who have an active and vital sex life are much more attention getting and attractive to other humans - something about the pheromones they give off.

I am disappearing.

F*ck.

Happy Thanksgiving to all...

(my dad)

Well. 'Tis Thanksgiving 2006...and I am thankful for many things.

I just wish I was better at holidays. Not for my little family, but for my extended family and my parents.

Dad and Mel invited us to dinner - and we declined. He is very hurt, as is his wife. It is difficult to explain to them how my babies and husband just wanted to make and have dinner all by ourselves this year. So I didn't. I just said we had other plans. And I have heard nothing from him since. I guess I could call him, but I get physically ill when I hear the symptoms of Eeyore Syndrome coming through my dad's strong voice. I am wrong and I know it, but there is nothing I can do to change my attitude.

Speaking of feeling sorry for one's self, I had quite the moment this morning. Jerry and Taylor were busy in the kitchen cooking and having a really great time together - all the while shouting out things for me to add to the shopping list they had prepared for me. Now, I didn't mind going shopping, but for some reason I felt very left out of the holiday proceedings today. Like I didn't belong. Like I had been replaced as the alpha female in my home...

Weird, huh? I am over it now.

Tuesday night, my husband finally came down with the dreaded flu that my children have been spreading (literally) all over my house. Except for it hit him so freakin' hard that I had to take him to the ER. I tried EVERYthing to get his fever down...but after he puked his Tylenol up for the third time and was still shivering with 9 blankets on, I cried Uncle. Placing the obligatory call to the on-call doctor, I was traumatized to hear that he could be going septic after his knee surgery. He could be rendered immobile and his organs might start shutting down if I did not hurry him down to the hospital. You can bet that I hurried...as much as you can hurry while you are dragging a 6'4 man to the car.

We spent all night at the ER, pumping him up with fluids and getting his nausea under control. Turns out he was not going septic after all. And you know what? As much hatred as I had felt for him earlier in the night when he was telling me that he was going to leave me as soon as he could, I felt very tender and loving towards him when I thought he was going to die. What exactly does that say about me? Hmmm.

I haven't asked him now that he is feeling better if he has decided to stay. And I don't really care. There will be plenty of time in the future for him to clarify his intentions.

By the way, I pulled the cable from upstairs THROUGH the wall and floor and hooked my puter up. It looks mighty ghetto right now, but it is just temporary. I swear it is.

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

;)t

Incommunicado

I really didn't fall off the face of the earth. I just have no computer at home right now...

I moved the boys into seperate rooms to cut down on the brawling, and moved my office into their OLD room. Pretty cool right? Yeah, except for the fact that I have no DSL OR dial up in their old room. No computer. And my husband of the recently surgeried-on-knee folk is dragging his feet to rewire for me. And why would he hurry? I am so accesible when I am not online! (Not agreeable - accesible.)

Oral surgery for Jeremy went well, and Taylor and Jory have almost fully recovered from the flu. Jerry is - well, hyped up on some pretty great drugs. To say the least. I really don't like it...I can't wait till he doesn't need them anymore. But I am glad he isn't in too much pain.

I am blogging from work...that makes me giggle!

BTW, 30 Seconds to Mars blew. After four times seeing them - they just suck. And I got a speeding ticket. That will be the last time I go to see them. But don't you worry, I did just secure tix for Dropping Daylight in December. YES!

Have a great week all!~ Talk to you when I can...
;)t

Beegle Noise

(click to enlarge - please)

Last weekend Niel and I got to go see an amazing man and his amazing men play an amazing show. Remember the guy who owns the production company that is going to let me organize his warehouse and perhaps get all of his MySpace pages sorted out? Yeah. His brother is Dave Beegle, one of the most talented guitarists in the world. I feel pretty silly because I hadn't heard much about him until this new phase in my employment happened. But you can bet that I will know all about him pretty soon, 'cause that's just how I roll. Obsessively. (HA! - I wish I was kidding...this dog with a bone thing is exhausting!)

The only bad part of the show? The one and a half bottles of REALLY good wine that I drank with my boss. I was up on a chair shooting pics at one time, and the only way I know that for myself is from the pics of the drummer - poor guy. He must have been frightened by me. Then, I decided to sit on the floor. As evidenced by all of the shots being angled up. At least there is a record of events...

Wednesday is a new 30 Seconds to Mars show...and I am still trying to figure out if I am going to try to take THE camera, or just settle for the concert cam. If I remember correctly, I think I had a hard time getting even the little one into the Filmore last time they were here. I think they should publish a list on the web: which bands are so sissy that they confiscate your camera, and which ones are confident enough in their photogenicness to allow me to experience it. Yeah...a list.

Took my Jeremy to the dentist today, and oh! My poor little man. He has to have a tooth extracted on Wednesday - apparently it is an extra. How in the world do you get extra teeth? I am playing it cool...telling him that he must be destined to grow very big if his body decided to grow extra teeth for all the chewing of food he will have to do. He giggles. That's good - because I sure am cringing on the inside for him - tooth extraction?! ugh.



Things seem to be happening so fast and furious...my little mind doesn't seem to be able to keep up, what with being chemically deprived and all. But I am still enjoying myself for the most part.

Anyone have extra Alice in Chains tix for the 20th?
;)t

Now What?!

I am so tired. Physically and mentally exhausted. No, I haven't any crisis to blame it on, and no, I haven't been staying out all night. I am just tired!

And there are so many weird things happening around me.

Like this:
My cell phone shows that I called my friend Jo at 12:38 in the morning. I had been asleep since 9:00.
My employee badge was missing this morning...I finally found it under my office chair, 20 minutes after I was supposed to be at work.
Things are missing from my desk.
Music has been removed from my computer.
I am so friggin' tired.
Several CD's of mine have been swapped and switched around into the wrong cases - and it isn't the children doing it.
I feel like I have entered into some silly twilight zone - not dangerous, not weird - just ridiculously silly strange zone.

But - I am not smoking.

That is pretty strange, too.
;)t

Middle of the Night Ramblings

...I did indeed Ramble tonight. With WhiteWater Ramble, that is...

I won a spot on tonight's guest list which, of course, made me a bit giddy. However, when we got there, there were seven- count 'em, seven other people there. It wasn't till later that we found out that four of them were part of the band WWR was opening for.

Tuesday night in Colorado. Go figure.

I learned several things tonight.

• I don't like bluegrass. I like JAMgrass - I definitely do not like bluegrass.
  
• One good thing about not smoking is that you have your windows closed when you are driving through quiet neighborhoods at 1 AM singing at the top of your lungs.
• Duncan Sheik is still the sh*t. So is Billy Squier.
  
• Thrash music in the middle of the night is scary.
• Cops no longer have to show their lights when they are hiding in the median.
• Seal makes me miss my gramma...and also makes me feel like she is still here.
• Breakfast is best between midnight and 1AM.
• I am too old to do these late nights more than once a week. Maybe once every two weeks.

I appologize to those bloggers I love that I have not visited in awhile. I think about you all the time - I just keep running out of time to actually communicate ...

I am doing exactly the same thing to my loved ones in real life, too.

Gonna go buy me some balance tomorrow. Know where some is on sale?
;)t

POTUS is IN the House - (no pictures please)

You are NOT going to believe what I got to do today. I got to see the President of the United States of America.

That's right - I was rubbing elbows with Secret Service. I was selling hot coffee and bottled water and fruit to Members of Congress. I was fetching Mountain Dew for PAC members, and popping popcorn for Pollsters and National News Crews.

I enjoyed watching all of our local Police Force and Fire Fighters and Paramedics act like they were somehow granted Secret Service Status because they were in charge of herding the locals around. I wanted to remind them that after the President left they would have to deal with all of the locals they had ticked off while they played bigshots for a few hours.

I loved watching CBS setting up their site to broadcast from, the newscasters looking around in amazement at the primitiveness of their current location. Okay. I didn't love that. I was embarrased.

Although I am not proud of Dubya - in fact, I am rather ashamed that I ever trusted him with my vote, it was amazing to see the sociological experiment of a political rally. I had goosebumps and a lump in my throat when his helicopter landed...and the hair on my arms stood on end when he walked into the arena. The whole event of his arrival was so well timed and choreographed...very moving. I wonder how I would have felt if he was someone I still respected?

Did I get pictures, you ask? Well. Funny story. I HAD the camera...got it through security just fine, didn't drop it even once, and located a secure and lockable cabinet to keep it in while we worked. When the time came to take pictures of the crowd gathering and the local politicians doing their stumping, I was able to find the very best spot in the facility. Cool, huh?

Yeah. If I had remembered to get the battery off the charger and place it in the camera before I left the house, THAT would have been very cool.

Oh well. Next time.
;)

Tricksy Treats, Eggings, Leggings, and Musicians

...So this is what it looks like to go Trick or Treating with the big kids. HA!


Had so much fun that night. I took the boys around the neighborhood and let them revel in our fellow blockster's attention, and grab at all that candy that I hide every year as SOON as we walk back in the door.

But I am not gonna lie - I was secretly glad that it was below freezing that night, because I desperately wanted to get on the road to Fort Collins, and "real cold" meant the boys would want to go home sooner. Neil and I had tix to see Motorhome, Shanti Groove and White Water Ramble PLUS, we had the naughtiest costumes I have ever dared to try on much less wear in public AND the show started at 8:00.

I got dressed, did my makeup, had Jer check me out for good measure, called Niel to let her know I was on my way - and made sure I had plenty of gas for the occasion. The camera plus tripod was tucked in the back for safe keeping.

What I didn't have was a charged up cell phone, so I decided to charge it in the car. One hard braking at a changing light and my phone went shooting off the seat onto the floorboard. Being resourceful, I hauled it back up by the cord, slid it into my lap, and prepared to call home to report my excellent travel skills as I was several minutes ahead of expected arrival.

Only - the antenna of the phone had somehow speared through a few of the holes in my fishnet stockings. I couldn't get the phone off of my lap. Finding myself unable to drive while I unsuccesfully tried to free my phone, I pulled into a parking lot of a large electronics facility. I unscrewed the antenna, twirled it around to loosen it up (that tightened the knots, by the way),tried to slide the knots OVER the antenna,
and fussed and fidgeted my way into a general hissy fit.

That is when security pulled in behind me. No - he didn't help me. No - he didn't laugh at me. Just before he got out of his car I PULLED the antenna THROUGH my stockings, ripping the threads and leaving a nice hole right on the front of my leg.
Crying a little and trying to smile, I waved at him and drove on my way.

Try telling your friends you are late for a party because you got your phone stuck in your fishnet stockings. There is something unbelievable about that. Oh well.

Downtown Fort Collins is a hoot - hippies, college students, yuppies, guppies and bums all in one little microcosm of the universe. Strangely, hoodlums are also attracted to downtown...and one egged me as his car sped by. I know he was aiming for my car, but I walked right into it. Fortunately for me, it bounced off my biker jacket and splatted on the street. That was pretty cool. Cool and random. Whatever.

The concert was GREAT! Motorhome was a pretty crazy, yet enjoyable jam band. Shanti Groove was exceptionally entertaining that night - and of course WhiteWater Ramble made every single soul in the place dance like idiots. Yes. Even me.

The only uncool part? Waiting in line for 20 minutes a pop just to get a drink. I drank beer so that I could stay relatively sober and not blow my quit (which I haven't yet - going on 13 days), but those silly bartenders would serve every guy around me and ignore Niel and I just because we were girls and potentially lower tippers than the men. (OBviously, they didn't know how very well we tip. And yet that night, I became a very low tipper.) Some slimeball snaked his way in beside me JUST as one of the wenches was coming to get my drink order - and so I started making a scene about how "HEY! This guy is CUTTING! CUTTTTTING!!!" I sounded like I was two years old.

I am ashamed of that moment. And noone really cared about that guy cutting except for me. Ugh.

But - I did not try to fight him OR knock him down. I am making progress.



(that is my friend and Niel's Man Howie standing on his bass while playing - he amazes me...)

Smashing Pumpkins and Cameras

Happy Halloween, all.

Not crazy about this holiday, but my kids are, so...I try to be as cheerful about it as possible.

It takes an extra effort to be cheerful these days, too. I am on day 10 of not smoking. It hasn't been horrible at all. But my mood has definitely suffered. I know it will get better once my brain and my body start getting used to the whole thing.

Someone stole my baby's pumpkin over night and smashed it at the end of our driveway. Right now I am waiting for him to get up so I can break the news gently...he is going to cry, and I hate that. Who would do that to a five year old? Poor little guy. Jerry is giving him his...but you and I both know it won't be the same.

The camera: totally fixed. I took it into the camera store...they confirmed the devastation, and sympathized with me. Then - they gave me a whole new lens.

I felt like I had won the lotto. But that camera is going to be the death of me! A very good lesson in why we are not supposed to love material things as much as I love THAT thing.

Have a great day, all!

Bullets for Pondering

I am going to bulletize this because I am in the middle of scrubbing toilets, cleaning up messes from my 7 year old who ate too much candy at the neighbor's house, and putting away laundry.

Here are some things I want you to write on your heart:

• When going to a different city to meet up with a group of people you only know a couple of, you should know the address of where you are going. And google a map of it, too.
• When going to a different city to meet up with a group of people - no matter how many you know already, you should make sure to have plenty of gas in your tank.
• When you are only seven days into quitting smoking, you should not fight with your spouse about going to a different city to meet up with a group of people you only know a couple of.
• When going to the bathroom, don't hang your camera on the hook of the bathroom stall. It will fall. And break.
• When going out, don't leave your children with the responsible people across the street. They will take your sweet, unsugared babies to Halloween Parties and screw them all up on candy.
  
• Don't make funny sounds while cleaning up after your sugarcracked out babies - it only makes them make more messes.
• And above all, don't get angry and say things to your spouse and co-parent that you can never take back.
  

This concludes my bulletizing. I hope you will be able to apply at least one thing to your own life, or my whole experience has been a waste...;)

ofgs...

Why? Why am I selfish? Why am I not a good wife/mommy etc. just because I don't want to die a slow, rotting death in this house? Why am I irresponsible because I want to LIVE? Why am I shortchanging my children when I participate in group activities and enjoy social events? Why am I acting like I am single if I go out for drinks and dancing with my girlfriends?

I get that he doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything and could be perfectly happy sitting in his easy chair drinking beer and watching netflix movies. I even can still love him.

Why? Why don't I get the same allowance?!

I am sick of this.

Oh, the Great Pumpkin is Coming!

The Pumpkin Patch - SO much fun. Beautiful sunny day, crisp Autumn air, frolicking children and great friends. And no. There was not ONE pub even remotely close to me - so you know it was just that great all by itself!

Last year I realized that I am somewhat of a closet redneck (as much as that makes me want to vomit) because the one thing that draws my attention and keeps it for long periods of time is the Punkin'Chunker.

I LOVE the PunkinChunker! Guess what it do? It chunks punkin's cleeeeeaaaar across the countryside.

Yeah. See? Told you I had a closet redneck in me.





But seriously - check that out! It sounds like a cannon, and then it feels like nailing the greatest drive ever down the green...'cause noone sees the object land. Until you finally give up looking for it and then - wham! It hits the ground and smashes all over the place.

I want one. And I am ashamed of myself.

In other news: Because I am a mommy/wife, I do not get to take an uninterrupted shower. I have seen other women blog about this, and heard many a woman whine about it - so I have just accepted it as part of the deal.

Yesterday during my shower (right at the lather/rinse part) my middle child started banging on the door, hollering at the top of his lungs about how my youngest was using the "f" word.

Me: *Sigh* What are you yelling about?!
Jeremy: Jory is saying the "F" word!
Me: What? I don't understand you. Send your brother here.
Jory: What, mom?
Me: Are you saying the "F" word? Do you need me to wash your mouth out with soap?
Jory: No, Ma'am. I am only saying "F*cking"... not the really bad "Freakin''' word!

Me: Oh...oh. Well. Hmmm. Don't say that either, okay? But go tell your dad about this first before you stop saying it forever.



Here he is picking up a pumpkin that weighs 4/5 as much as he does. I know. He LOOKS innocent anyway.

And don't forget this: I got my bracelet today for three days of no smoking. What do you think I should get for 3 WEEKS of no smoking? Yeah, I thought I should get a trip to Greece, too. Glad we think alike.
;)t

Chewing My Gum, Chewing My Gum...

Starting to feel like a cow chewing cud. Ugh. And my lungs seem to be extra excited to expel (ROFL! Three words with ex! YES!) the yuckiness I have introduced to them in the most expedient (that was just for effect) way.

'Tis Monday morning. And I shall make the very best of today. I hereby do solemnly swear not to smoke, yell at anyone, bite/kick/scratch/slap anyone, shoot anyone and/or cause any discomfort to anyone else in my endeavor to break loose from the dreadul smokie treats.

And Amen.

;)t

Superheroes and the sounds they make...

(Drug Under doing an acoustical set)


I quit smoking yesterday. I know. *groan* Again. But I have to say, I am feeling pretty good about it...and I am hoping that the cough I have had since getting sick (what was that, a month ago?) will start to subside. Although I know it will get worse before it gets better.

After scrambling through the house, purse and car the night before last looking for any smokes that I might have left in a pocket somewhere (so I didn't have to go buy more) I found THREE of them yesterday. Today I will probably find a whole pack somewhere random. Smokes are abundant when you don't smoke anymore.

I awoke today to the sound of the boys playing Rescue Heroes...and I do mean the sounds. Having only been around girls, I do not understand why boys have to add the audio effects to punctuate the actions of shooting, drilling, cutting, shooting, stabbing, shooting and wrecking the helicopter. Why do they need to play such violent things anyway?! I guess I would be sad if they had tea parties, though. Perhaps I will just go get ear plugs.


We are going to the pumpkin patch this afternoon - hay rides and pumpkin cannon included. Don't know why, but I am pretty excited. And it won't even be at a pub.

Have a great day all! ;)

Make Mine Medium Rare...

(one of those sweet moments when the boys are working together...the older boy was showing the younger one how to fly a paper airplane. Isn't that some rite of passage?)

So - the week. The week is over, and now we have to start a new one. I don't think I am ready yet. Recovering from doing all of that yucky, stressful paperwork and telling my boss that he owed thousands of dollars more than he expected took quite the toll on me. For four days or so, I tried in vain to get my back to loosen up - to no avail. At one point I thought I had lung cancer...but no. I don't. But I am scared of these damn smokes again - so THAT's a positive thing!

Got to check out a new group last night, a really, really GOOD group. I love bands that are just starting out because they work so hard to make the audience happy. I love watching them try new things to see what kind of response they will get. It is the epitome of being an artist - expressing oneself authentically, and measuring the effect that it has on other people. Bonus was that the lead guitarist and vocalist is a new chef in the kitchen. I have such a new found respect for him - he never once led me to believe that he is as talented as it turns out he is. THAT is modesty, my friends.

We have made a new deal in our house:
Jerry is in charge of all of the cooking, and I will do all of the cleaning up. I LOVE this deal.

Except, I don't want to do the cleaning either.

Have a good Sunday, all!

So Far Away...

Yeah, I know. My blogging ain't what it used to be.

Truly it isn't a lack of things to say - I have just been actually doing other things! Hard to imagine me doing other things, huh?

About the template - omg you have to help me find one that I like. I tweaked and screwed and messed around with everything that BlogSpot has - I hate them all. I want something new. Original. TerriBerriStyle. Help me! ;)

Our anniversary was spectacular. AMAzing even. For all that J put me through during the week, he made up for it fifty times over with the day I got to spend with him. We rode the bike to a neighboring town and went to an indie music producer's new warehouse - a grand opening with a keg of 90 Schilling and live music! Does life get any better? Yes, apparently it does. We then went to hear Drug Under do a set - remember that name. They are going to be huge. (Have I been wrong yet?!) The best part was that J had a good time. He interacted with everyone, enjoyed the music, let me drink myself silly with no derisive looks, bundled me back on the bike and brought me back to my children. Who had the house "clean" and the leaves in the yard "picked up". And had made us the most beautiful cards...the kind you NEVER throw away. No matter what.

It was a magical day, like none that I have ever experienced before.

I spent the rest of my free time working with my camera - so much to see, so little time. I have some great shots of the bands - but yeah. I cannot upload them. The batteries went dead. I was not expecting that at all. I thought my camera had committed suicide.

And guess what? I got all of that horrible paperwork finished. My shoulders have no idea what to do with themselves now that they are not weighed down with impossible tasks.

As I speak, I cannot express to you how happy I am on this Monday night. I will not be unreasonable and expect things to be this good forever, but I will enjoy the way it feels right now.

*sidenote: The warehouse owner and music producer is going to let me work for free in his shop - in exchange for CD's and entrance to shows - can you believe my luck?!

M is for Mean mommy

Friday? Oh thank gawd. However, I gave myself a rude awakening this morning when I jolted upright at 6:36 A.M. , and then lied to myself by saying,"Oh, don't worry, terri. Go back to sleep. It's Saturday."

I told myself the truth at 6:38.

This week was a little rough. Okay, alot rough. I caught a deep chest cold on Tuesday, got sent home from work on Wednesday, struggled through Thursday with a runny nose, and have hacked my way through most of today. Plus, the J-Man has sensed our anniversary approaching (tomorrow), and although he has never noticed his cycle of doing this, he is doing his level best to make me wish we had never said those fateful I DO words.

Why?!

Every birthday, every major holiday, and every anniversary he starts freaking out, making the day miserable and unbearable. Oh - he also starts this about 3 days before the anniversary of his dad's death. Do you think it's subconcious? Do you think he just feels pressure to perform? Perform WHAT?! I am the shopper, I am the planner, I am the one who does the holiday and anniversary preperation. All he has to do is show up with a happy face. But no. Whatever.


I broke my middle son's heart the other day. I threw out some papers that have been stacking in my office in quite the haphazardly way. I am not a packrat. I get rid of everything I can as soon as I can. (Except shoes.) Turns out that stack was Jeremy's School Papers. And in that stack was a poster that he had made me for Mother's Day. In PreSchool.

Trying so hard not to sob, with deep dark circles under his eyes, he asked me, "Why would you throw out one of your kid's papers?". If that wasn't bad enough, I could barely understand him because his voice was so choked with emotion that he used no consonants in his sentence.
It sounded like this: "Aye -wha-oo-oh-ow-er-iz-a-erz?" And of course I had to make him repeat it. Which made him cry harder.

Why WOULD I? Who DOES that?!

I suck at this mommy thing. And wife thing.

I gotta get me a title that I am good at.

Ride, Baby, Ride...

(My dearest friend Niel getting her first motorcycle ride. Please ignore the trashy neighbors across the street. I am trying to as well.)

This new motorcycle? HOT! I cannot get enough of it.

One really neat thing...you can't stay angry at a man that you have your arms wrapped around and your nose nuzzled in his neck.

J-man has been doing something new and wonderful - having me call before I am ready to come home from work. He then drives up on the big, black beast and whisks me away in quite a romantic (yet somehow yummy/dirty) way.

Tonight we went to the grocery store on the way home, and I had this really wonderful feeling that I am going to be just fine with us growing old together. It will be just the two of us at some point...going where we want to, doing what we want to, and enjoying the company.

And yeah - the groceries fit in the saddle bags. You would not believe the acts of contrition I performed in order to have my previous gaffe (about them looking like oldmansaddlebags) erased from memory. It was a challenge though - perhaps tomorrow I can come up with another offensive thing to say that will require massive creativity on my part to receive forgiveness.
LOL
;)t