Blue and other variations

I finally opened up my blinds. Good thing, too. It is beautiful outside!

The fall colors, the blue sky (I should find a descriptive word for the color other than blue - but I don't want to), the way the sunshine is slanting this time of year - it really shouldn't be missed.

This time of year is when the majority of my biggest events happened. I was married, my grandmother AND great grandmother died, my mother moved far, far away,  we lost a child, I was divorced, all three of my accidents were in October, and I met D. Not a very good month for me, I guess. Ha!

But it's gonna be okay.

As soon as I crawled out of bed for the first time in two days and opened up the blinds, I became very aware of some of the answers as to why things are the way they are.

And once you know why things are going wrong, you have a chance to right yourself.  

I don't have any goals, or real dreams. I just take every day as it comes. Mourning those days that don't turn out to be spectacular and being a kid in a candy store when they do. I don't know if that is a good or bad thing - but it sure doesn't give you an anchor to reality when you need one.

I need an anchor. Right now.

I want next October to be the one where I look back and say " Hey - look what I accomplished this year! Isn't that awesome?".

(Does anyone else struggle with this, or is it unique to just me?)


ColleenQ said...

My month is June, and every year I make it through alive, I feel like such a success. Baby steps, I guess, but recognizing the pattern seems pivotal...

I'm glad you got out of bed - I, for one, have missed you!

nottwittter said...

We all need something to look forward to. When you just wait and see what each day brings you become a passenger rather than the driver and the emotions along the way and roller-coaster like.
Best to set up some small short/medium term goals.

Kath said...

Hey Terry,

Kath from the "Q" - hope you don't mind me stalking your blog.

Every post of yours manages to hit a nerve with me....it's amazing how similar lives can be....even across the ocean.

It's NOT JUST YOU! You are an amazingly strong wonderful woman - one foot in front of the other!!!

terri said...

CQ, is June the month that ruined CO for you?

...why, oh why, are you so near to my heart but so far away in proximity? It really seems unfair.

Monty - will send list for verification and approval. :)

Hi Kath! What a pleasant surprise! Thank you for your kind words and validation. It means so very much.
(How's your quit, btw? I think I am coming up on four years. It used to be all I thought about - now I only remember my Q peeps.:))