Story Telling 101

Oh, yes. This is a topic that I am qualified to teach on.

Story Telling.

Not the kind that you enjoy, mind you. Not the kind of story with a moral, or the kind that actually has a beginning, middle or end, and not the kind that is passed down through the generations or gets told around the dinner table. No - I make a mess out of those kind of stories. Hell, I can't even tell a story about a happening in my day without getting completely off topic and most of the time forgetting what happening I was storying about!

The kind of Story Telling I am good at?

The kind that happens when the gray matter between my ears gets all whacked out on insecurity or injustice or some imaginary slight.

For instance: Running into a coworker in the hall - she is brief - I am surprised - I write a story. She is probably very upset that I did not listen closely to a presentation that she gave last week, and now she thinks that I am neglectful of our department issues. And this probably was discussed amongst others, including my supervisor, who coincidentally is giving me my yearly review next week, and now it will probably go badly for me...oh WHY can't I just pay attention during meetings??! Nice story, huh? (What REALLY happened: a vital employee gave his two weeks, throwing our holiday schedule into disarray, and stressing my coworker out to the point of distraction. Had nothing to do with me.)


Another example: Netflix has a special where I can update my Twoatatime package to Threeatatime for $.60. Just press HERE--->(button). I pressed. My credit card failed to authorize. For sixty cents. Oh my gawd...I write a story. I have somehow messed up my bank balance to the point where I am now so far in the hole that even my credit card is cut off! And now I bet that I will be on the streets by January at least - or even the end of December at this rate. And obviously they will come to take my car at some point, and I will have to concede to my ex that I just can't make it on my own and throw myself on his neverexisting mercy. The shame and horror was all consuming - and very destructive. Medal winning story. (What really happened? I moved. And the address on my NetFlix and card did not match - a quick update did the trick. Did I upgrade my package? No. Still too engrossed in my story.)

I have spent the last four days being cognizant of my Story Telling - and it has worked wonders on my state of confusion and agony. Every time my brain starts whirring and concocting and fabricating, I simply tell myself: You are writing a story. Stop it. Now.

My friends, boyfriend and family are all very grateful because it is very nice to not have to answer for things that haven't really happened anywhere but in my fancy little head.

No telling what kind of creativity I will come up with next...but let's hope that I use my powers for good and not evil. ;)