Highway Grand Opening

Part of my misery is my own damn fault. Funny how that works, and even funnier how hard it is to admit it, ah? Anyway!


Three or four years ago when things in my mind were starting to muck up, and things in my household were becoming crystal clear for the dysfunction they were, I filled my life up with people that I only communicated with electronically. At first it was people from my Quit.net, and then it started to include people I met blogging, and then after my divorce it became people I met on dating sites who although I didn't get to date them (D asked for exclusivity immediately -flattering, but detrimental to the cause of seeing what all is out there...), I still had much communication through email and/or texting.

That all came to a grinding halt in the early fall when D expressed his displeasure with all of my random iPeople. So I cut off communication with them all. All of my flirty friends that made me laugh and giggle and blush, all of my intuitive friends that gave me great advice and stayed ever available for my sporadic need for repartee, even my concert buddy who still to this day does not know why he went to so many concerts by himself this year - I stopped "talking" to them all. And focused all of my attention on my relationship with D.

And there is where at least two of my four wheels start to come off the track. It seems that I am a high contact person who has an incredible need for near-constant socialization. Can one man - one amazing man, albeit - carry that humongous burden? Could he ever hope to get lucky at the art of keeping me even-keeled? No. No. He hasn't a snowball's chance in hell of meeting those particular needs of mine.

And so. Is it really fair? Is it fair that I put so much pressure on him to do the impossible? Would it be a blessing of immeasurable value and an enormous relief to have that responsibility and source of brain damage, that everpresent millstone around his neck removed?

Why, yes. I do believe I agree with you. I think I am reopening the terriberrisuperinformationhighway. I need those connections. They are a lifeline of sorts. And I miss them terribly.

There. You had no idea I was such an excellent giver and problem solver, did you? :)


*Becky* said...

Oh Terri, its gonna get interesting!! *grins*

Jim said...

It's be real stupid of me to say something as dense as "Exclusivity can be a good way - especially when starting out - to learn about each other and build up trust. Once real trust is there then exclusivity can begin expanding to include lots of other social contacts and situations."

I guess it'd be especially true if I really really really liked a woman and was pretty sure a bunch of other men would too. Sort of an uber compliment amateurishly served up with a big 'ol dollop of insecurity.

But we guys are known for our stupidity, no? So give "D" a real good chance to adapt to your personal need for a wide social circle.

Oops. Reading back, I don't see where you asked for anyone's advice. Sorry. @@blush

FWIW, "E" and I went through a very similar thing --- I was equally stupid then as I am now. But now she has a very wide social circle, while I pretty much stick with my fewer, but vastly superior, friends.


terri said...

Bec: Not that INSANE kind of interesting again, I hope. :)

Jim: Is it a deal breaker for you? Do I have a chance of explaining this (should I need to) effectively and intelligently? What words did E use?

My worst fear is blurting out something stupid like, "I just need more attention, is all!"

Even if it's true.


Jim said...

Nope, not a deal breaker. But still a source of irritation at times.

E's "explanation" or "magic words" came not after many chats, discussions, arguments, what-have-yous ... but after I really saw a difference in her personality when she had a chance to seriously over-socialize. She's generally less bitchy and generally much more satisfied with her life when she's spreading it around with a bunch of people instead of just me. So I finally learned to live with it and even appreciate how happy it makes her to go get giddy with the girls.

I do know this though - when I'm feeling somewhat bruised that she's gonna go spend 3 days or 3 weeks with friends, if she then makes a real effort to do something super-special or romantic or that she knows I really enjoy and makes a real effort to show she appreciates me ... that makes a huge difference. But I think you already do that sort of stuff ... and I assume "D" really appreciates it, especially if it's a sort of "thanks" after you go enjoy a social binge.

Oh, my, that all sounds advice-like but it's not meant to be. It's just what's ended up working for us. And we're far from a model anyone would want to follow.

Unless they like train wrecks. :-)

Good luck T-t-t-t-t-t-erri!