Sybil's Ride

I haven't decided yet whether or not my writing is going to be through rose colored glasses or just plain ole gloom and doom. 

Why the indecision? Here are my states of being:

I am happy and safe and grateful and loved and employed and well fed (just ate a whole tube of Ritz with a chunk of aged cheddar cheese and a glass of Malbec - nice!) and all of the things that make a girl glow in her writings as well as in person. 

On the other hands, I am lonely and confused and tired and stressed and a bit malnourished (please review what I just ate...that is the third time I have had that exact thing for dinner...ugh) and all of the things that make a girl whine in her blog as well as to her friends.

It can get a little tricky monitoring which side of me gets to come out and play. I prefer the happy, grateful, blahblahblah side of me, of course, but I feel that sometimes that specific act cheats me of bouncing ideas and situations off of my girlfriends - in effect, not giving them the chance to share with me the advisement they are sure to have collected over the years. I forget that I don't have to figure out what to do or how to proceed all by myself all of the time.  

But, the trouble with letting my Debbie Downer out for a stroll? Sometimes she just doesn't want to come home! Sometimes I am stuck in my whirlpool of emotions and ambiguity with no desire to climb out and dry off. That plain sucks. No one wants to be around that. Including me. 

So, I am going to bed. Whichever one of me gets up in the morning gets to share next - and don't you even worry...there are plenty of anecdotes to support all angles. Buckle in, my friends. We have some reading and writing to do.



Alyssa S said...

Whichever one is around, we are happy to have her ;o)

junquedujour said...

lonely? did i miss something? i thought you were "connected" to a guy.

oh that is soSoSO stupid of me - of course one can be desperately lonely while IN a friggin relationship.

i think i'm onboard now. never mind.

ColleenQ said...

My best friend has been bipolar since we met over 20 years ago - it was one of the things I loved best about her, not knowing who would be out to play. Now she takes such serious medication and lives life on an even keel...we don't really have much in common anymore (okay, not that it's about ME, and I'm sure she's happier being level and dull all the time, but I'm just making the point that people that love you, love ALL SIDES of you).

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