Hey! It's me! ME! You remember -that ONE girl! (OR - A Bap Story)

*sigh*

Honestly, I don't know why I let things go so far. I mean, this is my BLOG, FGS! Everyone else that I know that has a blog uses it regularly. And to the betterment of mankind. And to make Earth a more better place to live.

Not me. I just use mine to make sure that I can post cheesy comments on all of those humanitarian blog sites. It's like having a homebase - one that I don't live at.

(Huh. That is a great description of my house! I use it as homebase, but I don't live here. And I digress. Just like ole times, ah? :))

I have so many things to tell you about, but first things first. And one thing at a time. That is my game plan, anyway.

Guess what??! (No...I didn't get a speeding ticket. Not in this story. Stay tuned if you want to hear a funny story on THAT particular subject.)

I got into a real life accident in Littleton! Yep. All by myself. I was looking down at my phone in my lap contemplating what smartmouth thing I was going to text my boyfriend about how ridiculous it was that I was having to go pick up his son from football practice AND then go pick up son's best friend for a sleepover AND then try to figure out how to keep them all entertained while boyfriend continued working and making me waste MY day off and how I was going to put all of that in one little sentence without using shorthand because you know how I hate text shorthand and think that it is lowbrow and kind of creepy because that is what all the creepos use when they are trying to hit on you and get you to send topless pictures of yourself on Yahoo...when WHAM! I let my foot off of the brake to follow the car in front of me through the green light (which I saw out of the corner of my eye, by the way) and then. She. Stopped. And I hit her. Not very hard, mind you...more like a tap. (Not a soft tap, maybe more like a rap. Between a rap and a bam. A bap. I BAPPED her.)

I put my car in park, grabbed up my phone that I suddenly didn't feel like texting on anymore, and walked like a man going to his hanging in the direction of the car I had violated. (Bapped.)

"Are you okay???", I asked the lady inside. "I have the paramedics coming", she moaned, "I had a stroke last year and I will need to be checked out".

Oh. A stroke. Well, THAT sucks. What can you say past news like that? Bring on the ambulance!

And bring on they did. Two ambulances. Two firetrucks. Two state troopers. One Arapahoe Sheriff. A whole lane full of red and blue and orange lights to alert everyone else in the state of CO that I had rearended this lady in the merge-on-to-c470-lane. Oh. My. Heavens.

The EMT's hauled the lady off on a stretcher while the troopers and sheriff inspected my insurance paperwork and eyeballed for damage on our vehicles. Which there was none of. None. There was NO damage from our little Bap.

The EMT's came back to my car to let me know that everything was just fiiiiine with the lady, and not to worry one little bit. The CO State Trooper teased me about my bald tires (bald from racing back and forth to see boyfriend!) and the Arapahoe Sheriff regaled me with stories of accidents he had seen in just this same area - some of them horrific! The Firemen just winked as they walked by...no, they didn't. But they did wave and smile. I was the one doing the winking. No - I didn't either.

Everything was right as rain until it came time for the final paperwork. (DumdumDUMMMMM!) Because there was an ambulance involved and I had rearended the poor lady, I got a ticket for Careless Driving Resulting in Bodily Injury. And because I am a poverty-stricken-single-mother-of-three, I didn't have proper tags on my car. Ugh.

Those combined charges: A court appearance.

The poor lady's charge to the respective insurance companies: Extensive head and neck injuries and a totaled car due to a massive collision from behind.

FML.

(to be continued)