11.19.2010

Idealism down, Idealism down

I really should have a breathalyzer for my blog. I should have to prove that I am in my right head and of sound mind before I can operate the key board.

That last post? Criminy. Yes, those things are true. Should I have made them a permanent fixture of my blogging record? No. Was there fallout across the board - from friends, family and even people I have never met (but hoped to meet in the future!)? Yes, oh yes there was.

It is what it is.

I am indeed safely ensconced in D's arms this week - fully vulnerable and emotionally naked.

The risk is huge. I cannot survive another recurrence of the previous months' heartache. I can't. 

But on the other hand, don't we all take huge risks when we are truly involved with someone? How far did I really get playing it safe all of the time? How huge will the payoff be if I am making the right choice? How rewarding will it be to give all of me and not be worried so much about keeping things congruent? 

I think my idealism has taken a fatal hit right in the gut.

Sometimes things don't turn out the way I think they should. Sometimes they turn out so much better.

2 comments:

Laoch of Chicago said...

Be kind to yourself.

Haphazardkat said...

I'm with you girl. I think when you finally lose your death grip on idealism is the day you finally grow up.