Hainke Painke

I have started dating again. 

It is strange to date when you still love another. It, in fact, feels like you are cheating. 

It is even stranger to have to tell the one you love that you are going out with another man. 

To his credit, he said he was jealous - which was very confusing to me! I never considered that to be a possibility! Reeling, I made the mistake of responding that I wished it was him and I going instead. It took me a few minutes to realize that I didn't really mean that...

I really have to stop saying those kinds of things.

My first date (Sunday Man) pulled up in an old beat up jalopy ... with a door that had to be opened from the inside only. He was fun, but not enough for me to overlook his 39 years of backwards upbringing. I requested a return trip home due to an early morning at work. 

My second date (Thursday Man) turned out to be a little easier to manage as I had become smarter over the previous three days and learned to arrange a meeting place. He was a full decade older than me, very nice, handsome for an older man - and totally uninteresting to me. I felt very mean as he hugged me goodbye and asked for a second date. I knew there would not be another. And I did not say so. 

My third date (Friday Man) I also met on location - although on the way there, I was followed by a car that housed a man that vaguely fit my date's description. But not in a good way. I prayed so hard that it was NOT my date - and breathed a sigh of relief when he turned left and I turned right. My date turned out to be pleasant, handsome, well educated, well traveled, interesting - and a long-winded braggart. I truly did not get to say four words in about 3 hours while I listened to scores of anecdotes relating to his travel, his riches, his possessions...and then to top it all off, he took me up on my offer to pay half for our meal! Ha! When he hugged me goodbye, he assured me that he would be in touch. I am not sure I will be reachable...we will see.

My fourth date (Saturday Man) was the one I was really looking forward to. A manicure and pedicure, a new pair of shoes, and a new flush in my cheeks meant that we were to have a great evening! I had talked to him a few times on the phone, and enjoyed his repartee tremendously. The only red flag that I could see was his sudden and deep penetration into my social media life...he knew my personal email addresses, found my facebook page, my blog - it just felt a bit strange. As the time approached for me to leave to meet him in Denver, I received an odd text: " Looking forward to seeing you - don't come too late." To which I queried playfully what exactly too late would be. As texts went back and forth a few more times it became clear that he and I had different ideas of what our date was going to look like, and he was frustrated. And then - he stopped responding all together when I asked if maybe we shouldn't call the whole thing off! Twice I texted, twice I called, and then, remembering what D used to say about giving the non-responding party the benefit of the doubt (noone can be on their phones as much as I need them to be!), I kept our arrangement plans and assured myself that there would be a good explanation.

There wasn't. 

There was, however, an email that arrived on my phone an hour later. The part that stands out the most to me: "I am sorry that you came to Denver - you shouldn't have. If I had wanted you to, I would have called you back."

I am so very blessed that my God looks out for me. I am so grateful that this guy showed his character so early. I had no idea that I was dealing with that kind of personality. 

I did respond, though...just a short note, letting him know that I was glad that it wasn't because something horrible happened and that had kept him from answering his phone. (I honestly thought maybe his ailing dog had suffered an episode, as that is what he had been dealing with all week.)

His response? "Are you being sarcastic? I didn't know that Christian Republicans were smart enough for that?"

After my friends and I laughed at his ridiculousness, I privately took great pleasure in the fact that I held myself back from retorting that maybe we weren't smart enough for sarcasm, but we sure as HELL know that you don't end a statement with a question mark.

D never told me that dating was this...this...weird. I hope it gets better.


ColleenQ said...

I tend to space my bad dates over a longer period of time, whereas you are jumping in with both feet and getting them out of the way (bravo!).

Don't get discouraged, but in our age range, I'd say there are 10 bad dates per each good one. Only 6 more to go!

dadshouse said...

At least you're out there dating. It's tough for me, a 40-something single dad, to find dates of late. I live in the suburbs, and there are no singles here.

Keep dating until you find someone who can let you stop dating!

CausedByKarma said...

ok, now i'm really curious as to how you met all these guys. do tell, k?

but, i do love it that you found out what they were/weren't in such a short period of time.

you go girl!

Bender's Better Brother said...

Terri, I could make up one of the 10 Colleen mentioned. That way you'll get to a good one quicker.

I already know your blog address. I just have to think up some inappropriate request prior to our "date". Let me think... I only date women who send me topless photos first".
There you go, chalk me up as number 5. Continue.

terri said...

Colleen - it sounds like the same ratio that it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop!

Dadshouse - criminy...maybe you should come visit my state. The suburbs are busier than the central downtown areas sometimes! :) I like your advice, btw...

CBK- it's called judgmental. I make rapid judgments on people. And most of the time I am correct! NOT that I am proud of that, btw.

I have a large amount of friends who are eager to set me up with every single man that they ever knew. Even if they are pretty sure I won't like them. Why is that?? Criminy. But I do love 'em for it...:)

terri said...

Monty - Imma let you be #5 per Colleen's Prescription...pic is on it's way. It's not really of me so as to keep with the internet dating tradition. But it is who I ASPIRE to look like for you, okay? ;)

Bender's Better Brother said...

Terri, I've had 2 upper body pics sent to me today. One appears to be a man with Gynecomastia and the other is a large black lady with a Michael Jackson tattoo.
Take this as a compliment but I'd feel disappointed if either of those was you.