1.27.2009

Hope Doesn't Float (when you hold it underwater)


Well, THAT was short-lived. I am apparently a fickle flake. I did not know this about myself, so please forgive me while I digest this new information.

D went hunting - not a surprise trip, and definitely not an unsupported trip - in Kansas. He was gone for three days. Friday afternoon he called my phone at a time he knew I would not be able to answer, and left a message. I refer to this style of message as the Kansas KissOff. I have gotten it a few times now.

"Hey Baby, on the road, almost out of cell phone range, have a great weekend with your kids, I'll talk to you later!".

Translation: Hey Baby, I left already, but I waited until I was almost out of cell phone range to call and let you know, and I don't expect to be in touch the entire weekend so don't count on it, but don't despair either - I will let you know when I am home for your adoration and ministrations.

He did indeed talk to me later - but by that time it was too late.

He definitely was not expecting the emotional mess I disintegrated in to, and because I couldn't even explain it to myself, I had no plausible explanation for him. When he left I was a giggly, smoochy-faced silly girl - and when he came back I was a sobbing, indecipherable wreck.

He wasn't mean, defensive or angry. Confused, for sure. I did take ownership of my own meltdown because I am smart enough to know that I am responsible for my own emotions and actions, and he LET me because we both knew that my reaction was over the top. He apologized for "whatever it is that I did that made you feel this bad"...and he meant it, I am positive. And then he was tired from his long weekend of partying and hunting, so it was time for him to go to sleepgoodnightIhopeyouarebetterinthemorningpleasegawd.

When my sobbing on the bed finally stopped, it was very quiet in my little house.

Something was different.

It was me.

I (think I) want to break up.

4 comments:

Haphazardkat said...

men...

*sighs with you*

I don't understand why they feel a tiny bit of contact is show of deep affection and that it should be enough to sustain us...

When women break their backs bending over backwards showering them with attention...

*tosses up hands* I don't understand 'em...

but yet...I still luv 'em :)

terri said...

LOL! I hear ya, Kat...

...I forgot to add that we had plans on Sunday night that HE had made and then completely forgot about. So he didn't leave Kansas in time to make his own deadline. AND he didn't communicate with me that he wasn't going to make it on time.

Don't worry...he only had to hear a little bit of the sniffles and a couple of sobs on the phone - the wailing I did in private. HA!

I might luv him again...he is pretty cute.

Riff Dog said...

You just need to remember: men are morons! Except me, of course. Oh wait . . . I'm a moron, too.

I'm in no position to offer advice or say what was really in his head, but I can tell you I've done exactly what he did with the cell phone calls. It's not a good sign. But again, I don't really know anything about this particular situation, so take that for what it's worth.

terri said...

Riff, I guess the reason we suspect others of doing things like that is because we know we do them ourselves.

Shoot me though, if I ever fake the sound of interference and a bad connection to get out of talking to somebody. :)