11.05.2007

Last Call - and other Bothersome Phrases

(the last enjoyable day of terri and Jerry - and of Nela and Howie too, come to think of it. Hmmm.)

So, the union between T & J has almost wound down to it's final death throes. Please read no disrespect when I say that I always thought this process would kill me, and yet I have found that my experience has been one of the opposite - it has brought me back to life. I hope it has done the same for him. He deserves good things, too.

I have found that almost every one of my core relationships has changed based on my marital status, though. And that really bothers me. It originated with my MOM of all people when I was out in NH this summer. (I know that I haven't written about that particular experience- but someday I will. It is still too hurtful right now to put into actual words...I can't even talk to HER about it. Actually, I can't even talk to HER. I want to. But I can't. I will though.) My dad was next...but he is getting better. Even my old neighbors have no idea what to say to me, and I end up comforting THEM and telling them that everything will be okay! Friends that we have had all along are just so awkward in expressing their emotions...some won't even attempt to speak to either one of us.

I hope I will never do that to a friend. Especially during a process as extremely important as divorce.

On a different and much more interesting note: I am dating. I know I will be tsked and should not even broach this subject for another 11 days. But I can't help it. I am so intrigued by why anyone would ever NOT just date for the rest of their lives! (Security and finances aside, of course.) The one discussion that I am dreading and never thought I would have with anyone? Birth control. Oh my holy hell...how do we expect teenagers to arrange for such things when I, a 37 year old worldly woman, am breaking out in hives just THINKING about having a talk regarding methods, beliefs, STD's, etc...?? Criminy.

And yet - it must be done. When the time is right, of course. In 11 days. Or so.
:)t

2 comments:

Niel said...

Hmmm, weird picture...Strange how much life can change within a few short months eh? Look how much hurt, triumph, tears, and laughter we have experienced since this photo was taken...I think for both of us a part of our hearts are saying 'whaahappen?' and the other is saying 'I can breathe! (Finally!)' You are strong, you are beautiful, and 11 days from now you will still be such, just with a minor tag change :). Our lives are truly like a book...Even though some chapters leave us on edge, you turn the page and the next chapter somehow, magically, ties it all together perfectly. Funny how that happens...I'm thankful for you my friend...I will see you soon. Much love - N

terri said...

Hiya Nela. Thank you for being my friend. I appreciate you...and OMG am I excited for your new life as well!
;)t