Sewage and Sage Advice

My ex-husband: You had better get a GOOD F******N LAWYER!

My Mom: Well, at least he specified what kind of lawyer to get.

Me: MOM!

My Mom: Ohhh...I bet that kind is more expensive than the other kinds.

Me: Ugh. Mom, I am worried. I feel like I am starting WWIII and my kids are going to suffer greatly because of it. 

My Mom: War is good! Clears the air and good for the economy. 

Me: *speechless*

I love that lady. 

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I am dangerously prickly and sullen lately. Quick to take offense - and sure to give it. Being known for my rays of sunshine and optimi...