Full Circle

She's here. Elizabeth is here. And I really like

her. So do my other children.

We all look alike...and have some of the same mannerisms. I think she is taken aback by our interactions though - I think our family might not be as staid as hers.

Oh well.

We gots lotsa love, and that is what counts.

Instant Reincarnation

Dawn and Travis (D's Cousin and Wife), me, and Darin closing down their restaurant/bar in NE one early Sunday morning.

Someone tell me a joke and do it quickly! A good laugh is supposed to be an altitude and attitude adjuster.

Things have gotten too heavy and too complicated and too hard to decipher.

I am going to reboot.

Sing - Along with Simba and Rafiki

How many of you have watched Lion King? How many of you have watched it so many times that you can recite large portions of it without cognizance? How many of you can watch the opening scene without tearing up or developing goose flesh? Yeah...I still get all choked up, even as I recite the script with Pumba. Who knew these characters would leave such an indelible impression on us?

The Circle of Life. What a great theme song. Got it stuck in my head RIGHT NOW.

Guess why?

NOT because I just got done watching The Lion King.

But because Elizabeth is coming to stay with me in two days. The Circle of Life. I gave her to her parents 18 years ago...and now they are giving her back to me.

You would think that this Circle would feel much wider and bigger - 18 years is a long time! It's an entire childhood, even!

But to me? This circle feels like a noose. In my vision for what the day looks like when I finally get to meet my daughter again, I am so much farther ahead than where I am today. I am going to have to concede to reality, though.

My only goal at this point is to make her feel loved and comfortable - and to keep my insecurities in check.

My need to make her proud of me is by far second to her need of me being proud of her.

Vanilla Pudding in the Shade

My boys in my back yard. It backs right into heaven...great for late evening walks!


This weekend I got bored. And boring. Ugh.

I woke up this morning on my red leather art deco couch in a puddle of sunlight to the sound of cartoons. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't watch TV. But I have been doing just that this weekend. And apparently it is sucking the brains right out of me to the point where I can't even make it to bed!

Dielji is at "Fish Camp" this weekend...all weekend. Plus two weekdays. In his absence I could have gone to the lake with friends or gone bar hopping and dancing with other friends, but I decided to start acting like a sane, balanced woman who can be by herself for a couple of days without throwing a breaker. I stayed home.

I floated in my pool, did pilates, laundry and dishes. And watched two movies. I worked out on my elliptical and made a menu for next week so the kids and I can go grocery shopping when I pick them up from their father's house.

That is ALL I have done...and I will tell you this:
I cannot be by myself for a couple of days without throwing a breaker. I get boring and stupid. Next time I am at this crossroads - watch out, world! I am coming to play with YOU!