Milestones

I was able to see so many of my old crew the last couple of weeks. Between graduations and bachelorette parties and weddings, I swear, it was like things had never changed. But they have. Two of my friends got married, two graduated, one moved across the country, and three more are getting ready to do the same.

The part that makes me sad? These are the last of my "kids"...I am not raising a new generation of Kenny's Girls. My Mama T status does not extend to the hospital - nor will any of my new staff be growing and launching into varied careers with unlimited status. My new staff is already doing what they will be doing for the rest of their lives. Except for my Starbucks girls, of course - this is the only time you will hear me say, "Thank Gawd for the Coffee Corner!".

Tonight is a meet 'n greet and concert with Flyleaf/Sick Puppy/Resident Hero and Kill Hannah - I am so excited! I am going to try and get the OMG camera in...wish me luck. I wish Jessa was here. I have never gone to a Flyleaf show without her.

Have a great day, all!
;)t

Fighting for the Surface

I am drowning.

Not in anything tangible. Not in anything reasonable. Not in anything I can be rescued from. Not in anything I can give a name to. Not in anything I can rail and curse at. Not in anything I can describe and therefore diagnose. Not in anything that my loved ones can shake their heads and say "Ahhh...yes..." to. Not in anything that I saw coming. Not in anything I can see going.

I am just drowning.

Flying Under the Radar

I am a little confused. I spent this weekend with MyGuy - the whole weekend. And nothing bad happened. What an extraordinary experience!

He did such an excellent job being my running buddy. Friday he made me dinner and watched a movie with me because I got home from work too late to do anything else of fun value. Saturday he threw me up on the bike and we went riding all over the countryside - and even to a little get together of my old crew. And then he brought me home and fed me beer. That was nice. Sunday, Mothers Day, was filled with flowers and gifts and family - probably the best Mothers Day that I have ever celebrated.

I think the biggest reason why I am confused is that I had given up on this relationship being fun or fulfilling, and my heart thought it knew what it wanted. Only - I got a taste of the other that I thought I wanted - and it did not bring me the joy or satisfaction that I imagined it would. And it certainly wouldn't bring me the safety (as boring as that is) that I am blessed with.

Which brings about the question: Why can't I make my spirit calm down and enjoy what I have for a more extended bout? Hmmm.

Going to see Rocco De Luca and the Burden tonight at the Ogden - I am so excited! They will be playing with Keane (whom I don't care about) and a local Denver band will be opening. I am pretty sure it will be the Concert Camera that is flying tonight - the Ogden won't let me have fun there with the OMG Camera. And since it is a weeknight, I will NOT be traveling HWY 85 after midnight. Three speeding tickets in one year would definitely do some damage to my ratings.

Have a great day, all!
;)t

C is for Control. Issues.

It was never a serious contemplation on my part, just a family joke. Mom has control issues, hahaha...humor her and she will be fine! Yeah- well I guess the joke is on me - and really not all that funny.

It all started becoming glaringly apparent last night at my daughter's award ceremony. A fantastic accomplishment on her part for sure, but for some reason I could not get into the happy, proud mommy mood. The child's phone was blinging with text messages even after I told her to turn it off, and when she was speaking to her friends and their parents her voice was two pitches higher than normal and two levels louder, and her diction sounded something very akin to baby talk - something that occurs when she spends too much time with other giggly teenage girls. Not only that, but she had settled the top half of her torso back so that it looked like she was leading her whole body with her pelvis - I know it is because she is a foot taller than her friends, but it drives me nuts, and normally she is proud to be as tall as she is. Needless to say, I came off mean, frumpy and grumpy as I tried to modify all of these things at once. Mean mommy.

Then there was my husband who was driving me NUTS! As we stood in line for afterprogramcookies he lost his mind and said to me,"If you love me you will just grab me one." WHAT?! If I love you? For some reason that really struck me as odd and manipulative. And then he did this move that raises my blood pressure - this move consists of him turning his head to the side and winking at me while baring his teeth in what is supposed to be a coercive smile while he gives me a sarcastic thumbs up. When he does that I want to smack him. Hard. Right in the head. And then rip that thumb off.

It ruined my whole night. I could not enjoy either one of them because their actions were so irritating and I couldn't make them STOP! I did, however, enjoy my boys - I can still control them it seems.

I am off to find out what psychological indicators belong to the mean, controlling mommy. When I look at this logically I understand that I will be perfectly happy when my happiness is not affected by other people's actions.

Or hand motions.

Growing Pains

my friend cpababe from the Q and I


I am not a fan of growing. I am not a fan of change. I would prefer that everything remain the same once I get all of the details nailed down just where I want them. I arrange everything to suit me - really, I do. It is the most selfish thing ever. And then people move around. Situations are fluid. Things change. Time marches on. UGH.

Although I am always on the lookout for painful change and it doesn't (always) take me by surprise, it doesn't hurt any less when it comes around.

Don't get me wrong - there are changes that are miraculous and life altering in a good way! Even those good ones I seem to resist. That would be a great behavior to disect and diagnose, don't you think?

I am setting some goals today. I am taking some time to identify those things in my life that I want to expound upon and nurture. I am setting up some sort of a road map.

...and I will have to provide alternative routes for these times when everything goes differently than how I expect.

Because, yes, you know you were thinking it - change is inevitable.

The Last Party

You all know my little running buddy - the girl who goes to shows and on road trips and random shopping forays with me just because I needed to get out of the house, who gets piercings and tatoos (okay - she didn't get a tatoo) with me just because I was feeling antsy, who can drink me under the table but takes turns with me so that one of us is always sober and able to take care of the other? Yeah, well, that girl is having a milestone today.

She is graduating from college. She is amazing. I can hardly remember what it felt like to have my whole adult life ahead of me...and here she goes into it with everything already set. Schools brawling over her to come teach there, contracts and incentive packages, the passion to make it all worth something in the end - and her general fantastic self, to boot. I am very proud.

And a little sad. She is growing up, and I am regressing - and I think we just passed each other.

I love you, Nela Girl. Congratulations!!!

Small Child Chattering

Concert season is winding up again...not that there weren't any great ones this winter. One really fun one was Agent Sparks/Halifax/Hoobastank. (the pic is Halifax - I love that picture!) Nights like that - the friendship, the atmosphere, the ambiance and crazy circumstances - are difficult to top or even come close to recreating. But I am going to give it my very best shot in the next couple of months! HA!

As I was going through my email this morning, I was listening to my children interact with each other. "I love my teacher," the middlest son tells the youngest. "Your teacher is a camel," the youngest tells the middlest. Which makes the middlest cry. And then come running to me. "IS your teacher a camel?" I ask the child. "No...." he sobs. "Then don't WORRY about what your brother says!" I wisely intone. And then shoot the youngest a dirty look while adding, "Don't call your brother's teacher a camel."

Nobody told me I would be saying things like this when I was 37. I think I should have had some sort of warning. Or training. Or pharmaceuticals.

Have a great day all!
;)t

Roller Coasters Also Go Up

Good Tuesday Morning, all! 'Tis gonna be a great day...I can feel it.

Which is a strange and unfamiliar feeling. My last few months have consisted of doom and gloom and blackness. Why is that, do you think? I wonder if I am just predisposed to going through periods of darkness...and I am wondering if maybe EVERYone does the same thing, and it is just fine? Wouldn't that be crazy? To go through my entire life trying to stop a cycle that is the norm, thinking that there must be something terribly wrong with me?

Well, whatever. I am not going to waste the good part of the roller coaster trying to figure out the bad part.

Tomorrow I celebrate 100 days smokefree. In Q-Speak, this makes me an Elder. I cannot describe how excited I am about this milestone. It is a lot of fun to celebrate these days with my pals from the Qnet- a bunch of us met in Denver on Saturday, went to the Rockies Game and bar hopping afterwards. Kind of makes it hard to celebrate the next milestone even bigger when we have that much fun...but yeah, okay, I will try. :)

Have a great day, all...
;)t